Wake up（110）

 

110

 

Nan Yangsheng accompanied his grandfather He Jiafu to visit the old Chinese doctor Chai Jianhua. The two old men met again, and their common experiences and ups and downs made them talk about everything.

In order not to disturb their conversation, Nan Yangsheng went to the yard outside the house alone. He turned on his phone again and searched for another diary written by writer Fang Fang. The title of that diary entry was "Would a good life be rewarded with kindness?" ".

Writer Fang Fang wrote in his diary:

Uncle Hua's family is family friends with my family. This friendship goes back to when my mother was in middle school. Uncle Hua's wife, Aunt Jingxiang, was a classmate of my mother's second sister. When my mother went to study in a church school in Jiujiang, my mother's second sister entrusted my mother to Aunt Jingxiang. This was about sixty years ago. Since then, the friendship between my mother and Aunt Jingxiang continued until my mother died. Because of Aunt Jingxiang, for many years, the Hua family has been like a relative to my family.

Among the people I have met, there is no one with a better temper than Uncle Hua. I almost never see him angry. Even when he talked to the most unreasonable person or the most naughty child, he always smiled and spoke softly. Especially for children, no matter which family they belong to, in the eyes of Uncle Hua, they are all his children. When he is among them, he will always show a sincere joy on his face, and then he will take out a handful of candy from his pocket. I remember in the late 1960s, Uncle Hua took me to the street. It was a rare time for me to go out, and when I went out, I ran all over the street. Uncle Hua followed me and ran around in the crowd, neither stopping me nor criticizing me, as if It is also his greatest pleasure to follow my wishes. This incident left a deep impression on me. At that time, I even thought that it would be great if adults were like Uncle Hua. Uncle Hua's love for children is not divided into any level and has no end. Maybe it's because Uncle Hua is a Catholic.

Uncle Hua once studied medicine in Japan and became a doctor after returning to China. During the Anti-Japanese War, when my parents were in Kunming, the Hua family was also there, and Uncle Hua opened a clinic. Often some poor patients have no money to see a doctor, so Uncle Hua doesn't charge. Not to mention, he often took out the money in his pocket for patients to buy medicine. My mother often said that Uncle Hua has the best heart.

My family has an indissoluble bond with the Hua family. After my parents left Kunming, after many twists and turns, they moved to Nanjing, and the Hua family was also in Nanjing. Then, my father was transferred to Wuhan due to work, and the Hua family moved to Wuhan before my family. When the two adults sat together, they often wondered, saying that their occupations were different, and they didn't make an appointment beforehand, so they came together as soon as they walked, and they went to three cities in a row. I don't know why. During the decades in Wuhan, the Hua family was almost the only relative in my family who could walk around.

But in 1957, the kind-hearted and good-tempered Uncle Hua was beaten as a rightist, and the Hua family has been living in the shadows ever since. The reason why Uncle Hua was labeled as a rightist seems to be because Uncle Hua likes to write some small articles to popularize common sense of hygiene. If it is said that such small articles can also cause harm to the country, it will really make people laugh out loud. However, Uncle Hua ruined his life because of them: he is no longer qualified to be a doctor. The content of his life is only "transformation". The word "reform" has indescribable connotations for Chinese intellectuals. In this huge "reform" army, Uncle Hua, like everyone else, can only bow his head and confess his guilt, obeying orders.

In the late 1960s, Uncle Hua was assigned to be in charge of registration in the hospital. Although this kind of thing should not be done by someone like Uncle Hua, the "reformed" Uncle Hua didn't even complain. With his eternal smile and humility, he is very dedicated and serious in doing this simple job that can be done without any medical knowledge, so serious that it makes you think why this person is so naive? In the 1970s, Uncle Hua finally waited for the day of redress, but he was already old. And soon got sick. All the things he deserved, such as a house, no longer have his share because of this "oldness". Uncle Hua, who is old and sick, has been lying in bed for seven years. The family has always lived in two very small houses, using the common kitchen and toilet. It is very painful and helpless.

The last time I saw Uncle Hua, he couldn't speak. It was the eve of one of my business trips. On that day, a few minutes after I left, Uncle Hua passed away. When I came back from a business trip and went to Hua's house, I only saw a will of Uncle Hua. It was written in the will that he would leave his body for the hospital for autopsy, and that his funeral expenses and pension would not be paid. Please use the money to buy some candy for the kindergarten children. When I read the will, I felt sad and at a loss. I imagined that a person like Uncle Hua would have such compassion for the world he lived in. Why does life treat him so badly, but he always repays life with kindness?

There is an old saying in China that goes, "Whatever is good is rewarded with good". I used to have a lot of respect for that quote. However, when I saw Uncle Hua's life of kindness and frustration, I felt that the feelings of life and the principles of books are very far apart. I even thought, is it right for people to be kind all their lives?

Nan Yangsheng read another diary entry written by writer Fang Fang on his mobile phone, "Why is your face full of sadness?" ".

Fang Fang wrote in his diary:

In 1966, my father's unit posted a notice announcing a list of people who had to quit "surplus" housing. My father's name is also in it. In fact, my house at that time was less than 80 square meters including the kitchen and bathroom. It was not spacious for a family of men and women, but the notice had been issued, and it was impossible to check out. So, I had to withdraw. After checking out, Uncle He's family moved next door to ours, sharing the kitchen and toilet with my house, just like the current Tuanjie household. the

When we first moved here, Uncle He was not at home, only Mother He and his youngest son He Chengzhi lived here. Because they were all in the same unit, we soon knew that Uncle He was an active counter-revolutionary and a historical counter-revolutionary in the Survey Office, and he had been sent to the field team. I remember being taken aback when I first heard the news.

The He family has six children, two of whom are in Xinjiang, and the other three do not live at home. Mother He is a very funny person who likes to read and is good at cooking. Although the two families share the kitchen and toilet together, they get along very well. When their children came back and had no place to live, they would come to my house to squeeze in; and sometimes my mother would let me eat at He's house when she went out. It really feels like a family. But Uncle He seldom returns home. Among the He family, he was the last person I saw. It's just that from the first time I saw Uncle He, I felt that Uncle He always had a faint sadness on his face.

After being a neighbor for a long time, I gradually learned about Uncle He's life experience. It was a harrowing experience for a bystander. Uncle He graduated from Peking University in the 1930s, majoring in geology, and was once a student of Li Siguang. Later became a geological engineer. Because of the construction of the Three Gorges, he was specially invited to work in Wuhan as a senior talent. I have seen photos of Uncle He when he was young. He was handsome and handsome, with a somewhat arrogant face, which was very different in temperament from the Uncle He I met later. Around the end of the 1950s, brutal political movements caused Uncle He to fall from the peak of his life to the bottom. No one has figured out what caused him to be like this. He was sent to the field survey team, where he cooked and cooked in the kitchen until he retired.

After retirement, Uncle He was taciturn. For a long time, he was polite to everyone, nodding and bowing. Even if we children met, he would hurriedly give way. No matter what others say, he will gently agree, as if it has become a habit. When I became an adult, when I thought of what Uncle He looked like back then, I felt that the word "reform" was really scary. Because of Mother He's poor health, Uncle He undertook all the housework, cooking, shopping, and taking out the garbage. He could do everything. Apart from his gentle and elegant speech, it is hard to imagine that he was a graduate of the most famous university in China, and it is even more difficult to imagine that he was a senior engineer with considerable achievements.

But the more tragic things did not end there. Mother He died of illness not long after Uncle He retired. The second elder brother of the He family, who went to Xinjiang because of Uncle He's problems, also died of illness. For the death of the second brother, Uncle He cried very sadly, because the second brother was a very outstanding son of the He family. He is handsome, versatile, and good at studying, but because of Uncle He's problems, he failed to go to university and went to Xinjiang in a fit of anger. When Uncle He was crying, he must have blamed himself for his son's early death. This may be the most painful of Uncle He's life.

From then on, Uncle He lived with his youngest son He Chengzhi, helping him with housework and taking care of the children. I don't know when, Uncle He started to write a book, it must be the academic treatise he wanted to write back then. After finishing the housework every day, he lay down at the desk and wrote non-stop, and sometimes went to a distant library to search for information. Day after day, year after year, under extremely difficult conditions, Uncle He still insisted on reading non-stop, which is really exhausting. One day, Uncle He finally finished the book, but...but...which publishing house publishes such a book?

Uncle He was finally admitted to the hospital due to illness. At that time, I had already moved, so it was difficult to meet Uncle He once. During the hospitalization, Uncle He wanted to see me very much, so He Chengzhi called me specially. So, I hurried to the hospital. Uncle He was in good spirits that day, but he could no longer speak. Seeing me, he showed a little smile on his face, but after a while, he returned to his previous sad expression, which is the expression I have been familiar with for many years. That expression was unforgettable, and it made me keep asking myself: What causes a talented intellectual's life to be filled with pain and sorrow? What's so great about it that a person has to pay his whole life as the price?

The book written by Uncle He with his painstaking efforts is as sad as Uncle He's fate: it lies silently in a corner, and I am afraid it will never be published.

Nan Yangsheng read the diary written by the writer Fang Fang on his mobile phone, "Why is your face full of sadness?" ". He stood up slowly, he thought: The story of the grandfather He Jiafu and the old Chinese doctor Chai Jianhua should be able to write a book, but is such a book a fictional novel or an exaggerated biography? Which publishing house dares to publish such a book?

Some encounters between people are like shooting stars, bursting out enviable sparks in an instant, but they are destined to just pass by in a hurry. Time will slowly settle down, and some people will slowly blur in your heart. The story of two old people, grandfather He Jiafu and old Chinese doctor Chai Jianhua, will only be in other people's stories forever, shedding my own tears.

At this time, Nanyang Sheng suddenly became two people. The former had hope for the future and believed that his own hard work would change his destiny; All people live at the feet of their masters like slaves, and any dissatisfaction and resistance will be punished with whips. The most desolate distance in the world is when one person becomes two people in an instant. The distance before and after life is actually very different. The former and the latter hardly know each other. Society will change, and people's hearts will also change.

The current Nanyang students are obviously not the former Nanyang students. His thinking has undergone fission, and his cognition of life and society has also undergone fission.

He was inexplicably lost, and he couldn't explain why, but waves of fear kept surging in his heart. He is afraid that he will grow old soon like his grandfather He Jiafu and old Chinese doctor Chai Jianhua. He is afraid that no one in this world will love him, and he is also afraid that he will not fall in love with anyone. But he is constantly looking for that true love, and constantly perfecting himself. I am afraid that those close friends around me will leave one by one. He is afraid that the person he loves will not appear, and the person who appears will not like it. Especially when he communicated with his younger sister Nanliwa and younger brother Nanshanyun, he found that the different views on society between brothers and sisters would change each other's attachment to family affection. Helpless, but he couldn't pretend to be indifferent. The more he was like this, the more uncomfortable he felt.

Everyone is used to the feeling of being loved in life, but in the noisy and complicated society, you and I are passers-by. If you stop, when everyone disappears, the only thing you can see may be your own. Shadow, staring at my own shadow, that shadow will change, but it will also go away, and it will also be lost...