Wake up（102）

 

102

 

Veteran Chinese doctor Chai Jianhua and retired teacher Hu Zhijia were talking about the relationship between the Wuhan coronavirus and depression when a 15-year-old girl ran over accompanied by Nanshan Yun. Her name is Fang Fei, and she is Hu Zhijia's granddaughter. She rushed here to visit her grandmother just after returning home from school.

Fang Fei asked old Chinese doctor Chai Jianhua: "Doctor, what's wrong with my grandmother?"

Hu Zhijia said: "Fang Fei, the doctor said I have depression."

Fang Fei looked at Chai Jianhua strangely: "How is this possible? Grandma always talks and laughs when she sees me. How could she have this disease?"

The little girl Fang Fei looked so happy. She was a good-looking girl who kept smiling when she spoke. Although her voice was a little nervous, she looked very friendly, and she didn't have the depression and depression that depression usually has.

At this time, Chai Jianhua, an old Chinese doctor who had observed the little girl Fang Fei for a while, asked, "Then is there anything you want to do now?"

The girl smiled and said, "I just want to die."

He Jiafu and Nanshan Yun were stunned for a moment. The little girl Fang Fei went on to say: "I am alive now because I feel that my mother and grandma have sacrificed so much for me. If I don't treat myself well, I will be so sorry to my mother and grandma. But I really feel that living is too tiring, too It's boring. I really want to die, my wish is to be able to die."

At this time, Hu Zhijia said angrily: "Fang Fei, what nonsense are you talking about! You have already harmed yourself 7 or 8 times, can you let me and your mother rest assured?"

Fang Fei seemed indifferent and said: "Since I learned to smile, expression and mood have nothing to do with each other anymore."

Veteran Chinese doctor Chai Jianhua observed Fangfei: This girl must be suffering from "smiling depression". Behind the smile that people see, there is hidden despair that she thinks she has no cure. She has discovered that her own depression problem exists, but it is difficult to talk about her emotions with others.

Chai Jianhua asked Fang Fei: "Are you okay?"

Fang Fei smiled and said, "I'm fine! It's fine!"

Chai Jianhua is actually testing Fang Fei's psychological state: those perfectionists are too demanding of themselves and think that they cannot fail in any field of life, so it is easier to hide their melancholy with smiles and forced optimism. Those humorous people are used to laughing in front of others, or making people laugh. It seems that "humor and optimism" have become their labels. They are unwilling to admit and express their emotions, because they think it is a kind of weakness. What makes it even more sad is that many humorous people are considered "not sad" by others. Just like what was written in the song "Joker": "The applause rang out amid the cheers, and the tears welled up in the smiles. When the curtain opened, joy was brought to you, and when the curtain ended, loneliness was left to myself."

What is "smiling blues"?

Smiling blues are an atypical form of melancholy in which they appear happy to others and even have a sense of humor, but behind the mask of smiling and optimism is a sense of worthlessness, inadequacy, and hopelessness. It's like how many people love to make others happy among friends, but often feel sad when they are alone.

Among psychiatric disorders, the diagnostic criteria for depression include persistent low mood, loss of interest in all activities, loss of pleasure, decreased activity, significant weight gain or loss, insomnia or hypersomnia, and almost daily tiredness or energy Insufficiency, repeated thoughts of death, etc.

This kind of person who is pessimistic, sad, and socially dysfunctional seems to be the typical depression in our imagination, but not everyone’s depression is the same. People with "smiling depression" do have many symptoms of depression, but Unlike typical depression, smiling blues may appear to be socially well-mannered, friendly, or even the "pistachios" of a group.

So family and friends are often shocked and in disbelief when these smiling blues finally choose to end their suffering by suicide.

Just how dangerous is smiling blues? Depressed emotions and feelings will not disappear because of ignoring or covering up. In fact, when smiling and depressed people try to hide and escape depression with a smile, they are also "feeding" it, and the depression will become more and more serious. Seriously, maybe one day it will reappear in a stronger, uglier form, drowning out all hope.

The "fake smile" is actually very tiring and difficult to maintain. Smiling depressed people sometimes feel a strong negative experience because they can't "perfectly" hide their sadness and give everyone they see a happy smile. And these negative emotions such as irritability, fatigue, sadness and tension will sooner or later find an outlet to vent. Smiling depressed people have much higher uncertainty than typical depressed people. When they smile and thank you for your help and say that they are getting better, they may have already decided to commit suicide in their hearts. This is the dangerous part of smiling depression.

What kind of person might show smiling melancholy?

Why hide your depression?

Studies have shown that about 71% of people who suffer from depression try to hide their illness. There may be many reasons, but in general, the smile of smiling depressed people is like a defense mechanism. Smiling is no longer a natural expression of happiness, but It is a cover-up and denial of inner sorrow. Smiling depressed people do not want others to know about their depression, especially depression is considered to be a symbol of lack of will and fragility. Smiling depressed people with this prejudice will try to hide their situation and avoid society and others' pointing fingers, Maintain your image. They will deny being depressed, and even smile for self-affirmation, trying to tell themselves, "Look, depression isn't that bad, I feel good, and I can laugh." Some smiling depressed people are very afraid of bothering others, Especially the ones you love. They don't want to make themselves a burden to others, so they love to say: "I'm okay, I'm fine, I don't want to trouble you."

Chai Jianhua has confirmed that Fang Fei is a smiling and melancholy person. He did not use traditional Chinese medicine to help her cure. As an old Chinese doctor, he believes that if you find your family and friends around you are smiling and depressed, don’t force them to tell you about their situation, which will make them more closed off. Try to be around them and make them feel safe. Instead of cajoling them into speaking their minds, let them know that when he's willing to talk, you're willing to listen without judgment. Let him know that you respect his feelings, provide a supportive relationship, and always encourage them to seek professional help. If you're a smiling blue yourself, hopefully smiling blues you understand that negativity doesn't go away on its own, hiding and running from it won't solve the problem, you can be sad.

Chai Jianhua said to Fangfei: "Your smile is beautiful." He then said to Nanshan Yun: "Yunshan, what do you think?"

Nan Shanyun smiled and said to Fang Fei: "Fang Fei, please smile at me and let me, a little freshman, see the corner of the little beauty's mouth."

Fang Fei blushed, and the smile rippling at the corner of her mouth was definitely not melancholy.