糊涂鬼擒贼Silly ghost Defeat the enemy【幽默鬼吧】

糊涂鬼意外地捉到了一个窃贼。

Muddle-headed ghost accidentally caught a thief.

糊涂鬼十分得意：“谁说我糊涂哇，我连贼都能逮住哇。”

Muddle-headed ghost is very proud of: "Who says I confused wow, I could not even be able to catch thieves wow."

窃贼知道糊涂鬼就怕人家说他糊涂，所以说话做事总喜欢反向思维。

Thieves know that people said he was afraid of ghosts confused confused, so my words do things always like reverse thinking.

窃贼就对糊涂鬼说：“你怎么会糊涂呢？我这次栽到了你的手上，就证明你是聪明过人的人。我有一个请求，我接受你对我的任何处罚，就是千万不要带我到人多的市场里去，你显得很光荣，我却太丢人啦。”

The thief on the right silly ghost, said: "how can you be confused? I plummeted your hand this time, they prove that you are extremely intelligent people. I have a request, I accept your right any of my punishment, that is 10 million Do not bring me to the crowded market going, you looked very honorable, but I was too ashamed about her. "

糊涂鬼心想：“哼，你不让我去，我就非得去。”

Ghost confused thought: "Well, you will not let me go, I'll have to go."

窃贼来到了热闹的市场，就如鱼得水，一下子逃到人群中去了。

The thief came to the bustling market, themselves, and suddenly fled to the crowd went.

糊涂鬼在人群中怎能找得到逃走的窃贼呢？

How silly ghost in the crowd fleeing thieves find on it?

糊涂鬼买肉Silly ghost buy meat【幽默鬼吧】

糊涂鬼在菜市场上买了一斤肉，还有一些花椒、茴香等佐料。

Ghost in the vegetable market on the muddled bought a pound of meat, and some pepper, fennel and other seasonings.

没想到走到半路上，突然窜出一只野猫，叼走了他刚买来得肉。

Never thought that went half way, suddenly sprang a wild cat, Diao came away, he bought the meat.

糊涂鬼气得跳脚骂道：“混蛋，花椒、茴香还在我的口袋里，看你怎么吃这些肉！”

Silly ghost jump up curse: "The bastards, pepper, fennel was in my pocket to see how you eat the meat!"

老鼠Mouse【幽默鬼吧】

马屁鬼是个怕老婆的人，在家里总是被老婆扭耳朵，两只耳朵也总是被扭又红又肿的。

 Mapi ghost who is henpecked at home has always been my wife twisted ears, two ears always been twisted red and swollen.

有一次朋友来作客，就故意问马屁鬼：“你的耳朵怎么啦？”

On one occasion a friend to a guest, you pointedly asked Mapi Ghost: "Your ears how now?"

马屁鬼说：“家里有只老鼠，总是喜欢咬我的耳朵。”

Mapi Ghost said: "The family has only the mouse, always like to bite my ear."

马屁鬼的老婆听到了这话，冲了过来，一把扭住了他的耳朵：“胡说八道！看你还敢说我是老鼠！”

Mapi ghost's wife heard the words, and rushed over, a grasp of his ears: "Nonsense! See you dare to say that I was a rat!"

马屁鬼的嘴Mapi Ghost's mouth 【幽默鬼吧】

有位新上任的县官为了体现自己关心民情，就带着马屁鬼一起下乡。

One newly appointed magistrate in order to realize they are concerned with the people, the countryside, together with Mapi ghost.

县官看到一户人家正在打制家具。

Magistrate that a family is being chipped furniture.

他就随手抓起刨子说：“你们过上了好日子，可不能忘本呀。我虽然当了县官，可我是木工出身。”

He readily picked up spores, said: "You lived a good life, can not forget our roots 呀. Although I have been a magistrate, but I came from a carpenter."

说着，他就用刨子在一块木板上刨了几下。

So saying, he was on board with the spores in a plane a few times.

马屁鬼赶紧说道：“瞧，当官的连刨木都是行家，如果让我干这活，准得刨破了皮。”

Mapi Ghost hurriedly said: "Look, an officer of the company planed wood is an insider, if I do this live, Zhunde plane breaking the skin."

县官很得意，于是又刨了几下，没想到却真让刨破了皮。

Magistrate is very proud of, so he planed a few times, but really did not expect to break the skin planing.

马屁鬼连忙说：“哟，若是让我刨这木板，那可得刨进骨头里啦。”

Mapi Ghost hurriedly said: "yo, if I planed the wood, it can get plane into the bones inside her."

闻香Smells【幽默鬼吧】

吝啬鬼带着女友散步，路过咖啡馆。

Miser with his girlfriend walking, passing through coffee shop.

女友赞叹道：“真香啊！”

Girlfriend marveled: "It's fragrant ah!"

囊中羞涩的吝啬鬼很绅士地说：“如果你喜欢，我们再从咖啡馆门前走一次。”

Penny-pinching miser is a gentleman said: "If you like, let us go from the coffee shop in front of one." 

记忆Memory【幽默鬼吧】

一个当过官的贪心鬼死了。

Served as an officer of the greedy ghost died.

在葬礼上，大家一言不发。

At the funeral, everyone silent.

主持的牧师问：“对死者生前的优点，难道就没有给谁留下一些美好的记忆吗？”

Over the pastor asked: "The advantages of the deceased, should not and to whom leave some good memories of it?"

过了半晌，一个理发师开始说了：“我经常给他刮脸，他的脸皮很厚。”

After a long while, a barber began to say: "I always give him a shave, his very thick skinned."

告状Complain 【幽默鬼吧】

法官：“你声称被告老色鬼从你老婆的三角裤叉里偷走了钱？”

Judge: "You claimed that the defendants old goat from your wife's briefs fork stole the money?"

糊涂鬼：“是的，大人。”

Confused ghost: "Yes, your excellency."

法官：“那你老婆为什么不反抗？”

Judge: "Then why do not resist your wife?"

糊涂鬼红着脸答：“我老婆不知道他是要偷她的钱。”

Muddle-headed ghost blush replied: "My wife did not know if he was to steal her money."

观赏芭蕾舞Ballet【幽默鬼吧】

糊涂鬼第一次观赏芭蕾舞，看到台上演员们踮着脚尖急转时，他禁不住问捣蛋鬼教授：“他们为什么不选些高个的女孩来跳呢？”

Muddle-headed ghost first ballet performance, see a sharp reversal of the stage actors tiptoed, he could not help but ask devils professor: "Why do they not vote for some tall girl to dance with it?" 

支票Check（幽默鬼吧）

糊涂鬼拿一张支票到银行兑现。

Take a confused ghost check cashed in banks.

出纳员：“你能证明是你本人吗？”

Cashier: "You can prove that you own it?"

糊涂鬼听了困惑不解，掏出一面镜子照了照，答：“没错！是我本人！”

Muddle-headed ghost heard puzzled, took out a mirror according to the photo, answered: "Yes! Yes I am!"

两个女人Two women（幽默鬼吧）

糊涂鬼的老婆和冒失鬼的老婆午饭时聊天。

Confused wife and daredevil ghost of his wife for lunch chat.

糊涂鬼的老婆：“那个老色鬼长得真帅，衣服穿得也得体。”

Muddle-headed ghost's wife: "That old goat looks so cool, clothing, dress is also decent."

冒失鬼的老婆：“可不是，他在我面前时，脱衣服比穿衣服还要快呢。”

Daredevil's wife: "Is not he in front of me when the clothes off faster than the clothes on it." 

反客为主Become masters（幽默鬼吧）

吝啬鬼应邀与朋友一起到酒家去用餐。

Miser was invited to go with friends to a restaurant meal.

酒席上就留下了上首座的空位子，吝啬客就毫不客气地坐在上首座了。

Banquet on the left's first on the empty seat, mean passengers would sit on the blunt's first of the.

吝啬鬼这次开了大胃口了，所有的朋友都给他添菜加酒的，他格外的兴奋。

This opened a big appetite miser, and all our friends and gave him Tiancai plus wine, and he had a great excitement.

这时，服务员跑到吝啬鬼跟前结帐了。

At this time, the waiter went to checkout the front miser.

吝啬鬼大惊：“我是来作客的，怎么要我卖单呢？”

Startled miser: "I came to a guest, how should I sell orders?"

服务员笑了：“我们只认坐在上首座的顾客。”

Waiter smiled: "We just sat on the identification of the customer's first."

买酒Liquor（幽默鬼吧）

吝啬鬼叫他新雇的仆人街上买酒，只给空瓶却不给钱。

Miser called his new servant employed street liquor, do not give money only to bottles.

仆人很奇怪：“你还没给我钱哩。”

Servant very strange: "Do you not give me the money miles."

吝啬鬼生气了：“化钱买酒，谁不会？”

Scrooge angry: "of money to buy wine, who will not?"

仆人二话没说地上街去了。

The servant went to the streets Erhuamoshui.

不一会，仆人回来将酒瓶递给了吝啬鬼：“你要的酒买来了。”

Within a short while, the servant came back and handed the bottle of the miser: "You have to buy the wine."

吝啬鬼高兴地端起酒瓶就想喝酒，可是酒瓶子是空的，那来的酒哇。

Misers are pleased to reach for the bottle want to drink, but the bottle is empty, the child, then to the wine wow.

吝啬鬼大怒：“你买来的酒在哪里？” Miser was furious: "Where is the wine you bought?"

仆人笑道：“酒瓶里有酒，谁不会喝？你要能在空瓶子里喝出酒来，这才是本事哇！”

Servant laughed: "There are wine bottle, who will not drink it? You want to be able to drink out of wine bottles and yard, this is the ability wow!"

蜗居Small flat（幽默鬼吧）

吝啬鬼买不起住房，就与小心气鬼一起合租了一间蜗居似的小屋。

Miser can not afford housing, together with careful co-rented a small flat air like a ghost house.

偏偏下雨时，小屋项漏水了，吝啬鬼与小气鬼谁也不肯掏钱去请修理工。

Happens when it rains, cabin entry leaks, and stingy with the cheapskate who have no buyers to invite repairman.

小气鬼只得用一只旧瓦盆顶在头上，他对吝啬鬼说：“我总不能老是顶着这瓦盆过日子吧。”

Cheapskate when it comes only with an old Wapen on their heads, he miser said: "I can not always withstand the Wapen live it."

吝啬鬼指着自己头上带着的破草帽说：“你已住在瓦房里了，我可还住在草屋下，你要求那么高干什么？”

 Pointing with miser-breaking straw hat on his head, said: "You have to live in tile-roofed house where, and I can still live in thatched cottage, you do require so high?"

吝啬鬼约会Miser dating（幽默鬼吧）

吝啬鬼从网上结识了一个姑娘。

Scrooge met a girl from the Internet.

吝啬鬼约姑娘一起到公园去玩。

Scrooge about the girl went to the park to play.

姑娘答应了，于是两人一起乘公共汽车去公园。

The girl agreed, so together they took a bus to the park.

一上车，吝啬鬼便掏出月票对那位姑娘说：“我有月票，你只买自己的吧！”

 Yishang Ju, misers they took out a pass for the girl who said: "I have a monthly pass, you only buy your own bar!"

结果那姑娘气得连招呼都没打一声就在下一站下了车。

The result was no play soon as say hello girl angry at the next stop on the car.

事后，吝啬鬼还振振有词地道：“我说得没错呀！我要不这么说，她买了二张票岂不浪费了！”

Subsequently, the miser is also plausibly authentic: "I was right 呀! Otherwise I would say that she bought two tickets this not a waste!"

用厕Use toilet（幽默鬼吧）

吝啬鬼要网上又结了一个女朋友，他就约女朋友一起上街。

Miser to end up with a girlfriend online again, he is about his girlfriend took to the streets.

二人走到快乐广场时，那姑娘有些便急，就拉着吝啬鬼来到一收费公厕前，并示意小气鬼交钱。

The duo went to a happy square, then some girl will be anxious, they pulled to a charge of public toilets before the miser, and to indicate cheapskate Jiaoqian.

吝啬鬼则十分惊奇地说：“上厕所还要几毛钱！太划不来了！你走到前面那片树林里去方便！我替你放哨。”

Miser is very surprised to say: "even a few cents on the toilet! So it does not pay a! Napian you go in front of the woods go easy! I sentry for you."

那姑娘又气又羞，用手捂着脸，哭着跑开了。

That girl, anger and shame, hands Wuzhao Lian, crying and ran away.Humor Ghost Bar

求爱前的准备Preparation before courtship（幽默鬼吧）

吝啬鬼舍不得化钱，找女朋友的事，就成了他的心病。

Scrooge stint of money, find a girlfriend thing, it became his heart disease.

吝啬鬼居然也找到了一个机会，他在马路上结识了一个从乡下到城里擦皮鞋的姑娘。

Misers somehow also found an opportunity, he met a road from the countryside to the city shoeshine girl.

那姑娘居然同意了他的求爱。

That girl actually agree to his courtship.

星期天一大早，吝啬鬼就喜滋滋地牵着那位乡下姑娘的手上山游玩去了。

Sunday morning, a scrooge would happily holding the hands of the mountain country girl who went to the play.

玩到中午的时候，那姑娘说肚子饿。

Play to noon, the girl said she was hungry.

吝啬鬼就打开随身带的布包，拿出一个馍头，自己啃了起来。

Misers on open carry with a cloth, took out a bun head, his eating again.

那姑娘以为吝啬鬼是在和她开玩笑，于是就抢过包来说：“你给我准备了啥好吃的？”姑娘边说边打开包来看，里面却是一团旧报纸！

That girl that is a miser, and her jokes, so he grabbed the bag and said: "You give me prepared Han delicious?" The girl said as he opened package of view, which is a group old newspapers!

姑娘失望地把那旧报纸甩在了地上，大惑不解地问：“咦！你给我准备的就是这旧报纸！

Girl disappointment to put the old newspaper thrown to the ground, puzzled and asked: "Hey! You give is that I am going to old newspapers!

吝啬鬼看戏Miser to see them（幽默鬼吧）

吝啬鬼一家去看戏，朋友送给他们的是楼上的票。

Scrooge a theater, a friend gave them to the upstairs of the vote.

可吝啬鬼的儿子总是趴在栏杆上往下看。

Be miser's son always lie on the railing to look down.

吝啬鬼就对他妻子说：“好好看着孩子，别让他掉下去，楼下是一等票，掉下去要补票就麻烦了。”

Stingy against his wife, said: "good looking kids, do not let him fall to go downstairs is a first-class ticket, and fell to the replacement ticket will be in trouble."

送花圈Wreaths（幽默鬼吧）

吝啬鬼给自己刚逝世的朋友送了一个花圈，飘带上写着：“安息吧，再见！”

 Misers to the death of a friend he had just sent a wreath, ribbon reads: "rest in peace, good-bye!"

事后吝啬鬼又觉得一样付钱买花圈，就写这几个字，太吃亏了。

 Afterwards feel like a scrooge pay for wreaths, we write these words, too much at a disadvantage.

吝啬鬼就给治丧委员会打电话，说：“请在前边再加上'天堂'两个字，如果能挤得下的话。”

 Misers Jiuji funeral committee called to say: "Please in the front plus 'heaven' word, if packed under the words."

第二天出殡的时候，吝啬鬼看到了他送的那个花圈飘带上已改成了：“安息吧，天堂里再见。如果能挤得下的话。”

 Funeral the next day when the miser saw that he sent a wreath ribbon has been changed to: "rest in peace in heaven, where good-bye. If packed under the words."

手枪打火机Pistol Lighter（幽默鬼吧）

冒失鬼戴着墨镜出去逛街。

Daredevil sunglasses out shopping.

见到一个卖打火机的小精品店，里面各式各样的打火机玲琅满目。 To see a small boutique selling lighters, which a wide range of lighter-ling-lang everywhere.

冒失鬼看中了一款像手枪一样的打火机。

 Daredevil fancy like a lighter, like a pistol.

此款打火机和别的手枪打火机最大的不同之处是它的火点在枪后面。

Cikuan pistol lighters and other lighters biggest difference is that it points in the gun behind the fire.

点火的时候要把枪口对准前面然后抠动板机。

When the ignition should at gunpoint in front and then pull the trigger.

冒失鬼买下了这只打火机，在回家的路上，突然想抽烟了，他的右手伸进衣服里面的口袋，取出打火机手枪对准前面一抠！ Daredevil bought only lighter on the way home, suddenly want to smoke, and his right hand reached into his inside pocket of clothing, remove the cigarette lighter to pull the pistol in front of one!

“砰”的一声枪响！

 "Bang" and a bang! 冒失鬼觉得自己胸口麻麻的，一束小血注正从胸口喷涌而出！

Ma Ma daredevil feel chest, and a bunch of note is the small blood gushed from his chest!

冒失鬼低头一看，差点晕死过去！

 Daredevil Ditouyikan, almost Yunsi in the past!

自己竟然中了一发真子弹！

Themselves even in the Yi Fa real bullets!

冒失鬼大惑不解！

 Daredevil bewildered!

抬起头来向前仔细一看，前方不远处居然是一家大银行。

Looked up and forward you look closely, is actually not far from the front of a big bank.

一辆运钞车正停在门口。

1 armored cars are stopped at the door.

一个全副武装的警察正端着枪对着冒失鬼！

 A heavily armed police officers are facing the sad sack Duan Zhaoqiang!

 顿时，他明白了一切……

Suddenly, he understood everything ... ...

看错方向Wrong direction（幽默鬼吧）

捣蛋鬼和冒失鬼在戏院内看戏，但两人叽叽喳喳的聊个没完，影响了坐在前排的一个观众。

 Devils and daredevil in the cinema to see them, but the two chatted for a twitter Mei Wan, affecting an audience sitting in the front row.

那个观众虽然很生气，但还是礼貌地转过身来对捣蛋鬼和冒失鬼说：“我想看戏，你们不反对吧？”

That audience, though sometimes angry, but still politely turned to the devils and the sad sack said: "I want to see play, you do not oppose it?"

捣蛋鬼笑着回答说：“那么，你看错方向了。”

 Devils smiled and replied: "Well, you have the wrong direction."

糊涂鬼与猫Muddle-headed ghosts and cats（幽默鬼吧）

糊涂鬼对妻子养的猫忍无可忍，抓起猫走进树林扔了，回家一看猫却安逸的趴在家门口还满意的对他发出轻轻的呼噜声。

Silly ghost of his wife, raising a cat is bliss, grabbed the cat thrown into the woods, and returned home a comfortable look at a cat lying at home but was also issued against him the satisfaction of soft grunt.

糊涂鬼气坏了，把猫塞进麻袋就出了门，走了10公里再向左走了15公里，又折向东北走12公里向西走了20公里，把猫放了出来就自己走了。

 Muddle-headed ghost furious, and put the cat out the door into the sack on, and then walk 10 kilometers away 15 kilometers further to the left, then go off to the northeast 12 km towards the west for 20 kilometers, put the cat out on their own path a.

一个小时后，糊涂鬼用手机打回家问妻子：“猫回家了吗？”

An hour later, confused ghost cell phones hit home and asked his wife: "cat home it?"

“对，5分钟前就回来了，亲爱的，你问这干吗？”

"Yes, five minutes ago, came back, my dear, you ask why?"

糊涂鬼生气了：“你让那畜生接电话，我找不到回家的路了！” Confused angry ghost: "You let the beasts, to answer the phone, I can not find a way home!"

夫妻夜话Husband and wife夜话（幽默鬼吧）

婴儿诞生了，每天午夜，宝宝总要哭闹一番。

Baby was born, and every day at midnight, baby always crying some.

糊涂鬼也总是摇醒妻子：“起来，亲爱的，去看看宝宝为什么哭？” Silly ghost always shook his wife: "Rise up, my dear, to see why the baby crying?"

现在，宝宝安静地睡了。

Now, baby quietly to sleep.

可是到了午夜，糊涂鬼又把妻子摇醒：“起来，亲爱的，看看宝宝为什么不哭了？”

 However, up to midnight, stupid ghost again shook his wife: "Rise up, my dear, take a look at why the cry of the baby?"

火车准点开到Open until the train punctuality(幽默鬼吧）

老色鬼虽然讨厌电视，但他每星期六晚总要坐在电视机前面，观看周未播出的“贵妃出浴”。

 Although the old goat hate TV, but he would always sit in every Saturday night in front of television sets to watch the weekend broadcast of "Royal Bathing."

这个片里有一段美女脱衣服入浴洗澡的情节，但当这位美如天仙的女子将要脱去最后的裤叉时，就有一列火车开过，把美女遮往了。 In this film where there is a beautiful plot of undress bathing bathing, but this Meirutianxian women's pants will be off the last fork when there is a train, too, the beautiful cover to the.

老色鬼连续看了7个星期，每次都如此。

 The old goat looked at seven weeks straight, every time.

他终于怒不可遏地指着电视骂道：“怎么这火车老是那么准时的。” He finally furious pointing TV scolded: "The how it is always so punctual trains."

色鬼忏悔Goat Repentance（幽默鬼吧）

  老色鬼觉得自己罪孽深重，所以他决定到教堂去找神父告解。 The old goat feel sinful, so he decided to go to church to look for priest for confession. 当他到教堂时，他走进告解室对神父说。 When he went to church, he entered the confession room on the priest said.

“神父，我有罪。”

"Father, I am guilty."

“是的孩子，告诉我你做了什麽，上帝会释免你的。”

 "Yes, child, tell me what you do, God will absolve you."

“神父，我小时候看见一只小母狗，而且路上没有人，所以我很调皮地去摸小母狗的咪咪.”

"Father, I was a child to see a little bitch, but no one on the road, so I am playfully little bitch to touch the Mimi."

“嗯，这没关系。你那时还小，不懂事.。”

 "Ah, it does not matter. You then still small, ignorant of everything.."

“神父，我和女友一直有着亲密的关系， 这样已经三年了，从没什么要紧的事发生。 昨天，我去她家找她时，只有她妹妹一个人在家，所以我和她妹妹上床了。”

 "Father, I and my girlfriend always had a close relationship, which has been three years, from nothing important thing to happen. Yesterday, I went to her house looking for her, only her sister one at home, so I went to bed with her sister. "

“孩子，这是不对的，但你还是可以得到神的释免。”

 "Children, this is not right, but you can still get free interpretation of God."

“神父，上个礼拜我到她办公室去找她，但除了一个她的女同事，没有其他人在那儿，我也和她的同事上床了。”

 "Father, I went to last week in her office to look for her, but apart from one of her female colleagues, there are no other people in there, and I and her colleagues went to bed."

“这实在是很不好的行为。”

 "This is indeed a very bad behavior."

“神父，上个月以前,我到她舅舅家去找她,，但只有她舅妈一个人在家，所以我又和她舅妈上床了。”

 "Father, last month ago, I went to her uncle's house to find her, but she was the only aunt of a person at home, so I went to bed with her aunt."

“神父? ……神父? ”突然老色鬼发觉神父那边没反应,，他发觉神父不在这儿了，所以他开始寻找神父。

 "Father? ... ... Father?" The old goat suddenly found that Father did not respond over there,, he found Father is not here, so he started looking for Fr.

“神父?你在哪里?”老色鬼找了又找，终于在钢琴底下找到了神父。 "Father? Where are you?" Old goat looking for another look, and finally found a priest under the piano.

“神父，你为什么躲在这里呢?”

 "Father, why are you hiding here?"

“抱歉……孩子，我突然发觉这里只有我一个人……” "Sorry ... ... a child, I suddenly felt I was the only one here ... ..."

糟糕的亲吻Bad kiss（幽默鬼吧）

“色鬼，你怎么啦，什么地方不对劲？”

 "Goat, how can you 啦, what wrong?"

“你听我说，昨晚我回家时，黑暗中有人出来开门，我认为是女佣，就抱她亲吻起来。”

 "You listen to me, last night I came home in the darkness, it was out of the door, I think it is maid, it holds up and kissed her."

“哈哈！就在那个时候，你太太来了，是不是？”

 "Ha Ha! At that time, your wife come, is not it?"

“更糟糕，原来，我拥抱的那个女人竟是我太太。”老色鬼叹了口气：“她还说，现在不行！我不知道我那死鬼什么时候会回来……” "To make matters worse, the original, I embrace the woman was actually my wife." The old goat with a sigh: "She said not now! I do not know when that devil will be back ... ..."

Humor Ghost Bar 

跳楼事件Jump from a building（幽默鬼吧）

有一天，医院突然送来了四个重伤病人，两个腿部骨折，一个四肢都有不同程度的骨折，最严重的一个连脊椎都骨折了!

 One day, the hospital suddenly brought four seriously injured patients, two leg fractures, a fracture of the limbs to varying degrees, the most serious one even had fractures of the spine!

原来这四人都是出了名的酒鬼。

It turns out that four are notoriously alcoholic.

那天，他们在家中喝酒，谈兴一上来，天南海北的一阵猛吹，结果都喝多了!

 Day, they were at home drinking Tanxing one up, far apart for a while boasted a result, all drink in!

其中一个酒鬼就提议说：“大家打打牌吧!”

 One of the drunkard on the proposal, said: "We play cards bar!"

可正巧家中无牌，于是那个酒鬼立马站起来说：“我去买牌来”。

Can happen to the home without a license, so stand up and say that alcoholic flew: "I buy a card to."

然后他就拉开窗户，走了出去。

Then he opened the window, went out.

另一个酒鬼忙说：“等会儿，我陪你一块去。”也走了窗户。

 Another drunk quickly said: "Wait a minute, I'll go you one." Has also taken the window.

第三个酒鬼一看不好：“那可是窗户啊，我去拉他们回来!”

A third look at a poor drunkard: "That's a window ah, I went to pull them back!"

第四个酒鬼连忙说：“你一个人哪拉的动啊?!我也来吧!”

The fourth alcoholic hurriedly said: "You pull one where the motivation ah?! I Come!"

四个酒鬼就这样集体跳下了楼。

4 alcoholic mass-hop down the stairs this way.

为了轰走鳄鱼In order to scaring away Crocodile（幽默鬼吧）

有人问马屁鬼：“你的那位局长大人，为什么总是不停地把手指捏得咋咋响？”

Ghost Mapi was asked: "Do you adults to whom the Secretary, why is always kept ring finger Niedezeze?"

马屁鬼：“为了轰走鳄鱼，不让鳄鱼伤害百姓哟。”

Mapi Ghost: "In order to scaring away a crocodile, to prevent harm to the people yo crocodiles."

那人很奇怪：“可这方圆2000公里内，根本就没有鳄鱼呀。”

That people are very strange: "But it's within a radius of 2,000 kilometers, it is no crocodile 呀."

马屁鬼：“所以你就应该深信不疑，这是我们局长的一种多么绝妙和有效的方法呀。”

Mapi Ghost: "So you should be convinced that this is how the Secretary of a wonderful and effective way."

假如你喜欢的话If you like it（幽默鬼吧）

讨债鬼到好色鬼家去讨债，凑巧好色鬼不在，他的太太正好在刺绣。

 Ghost to the debt collection a good goat's house to collect debts and do not happen to a good goat, and his wife happened to embroidery.

讨债鬼看了以后道：“你的刺绣真漂亮！”

 After reading Ghost debt collection said: "Your really beautiful embroidery!"

好色鬼的太太说：“过奖了，假如你喜欢的话，我也为你绣一个。”

 Good goat's wife, said: "flattering, but if you like it, and I embroidered one for you."

讨债鬼回家之後，把这件事告诉太太，并称赞好色鬼的太太回答得十分得体。

 Ghost debt collection after returning home following this incident, tell the wife, and praised the good goat's wife answered very decent.

过了几天，好色鬼到讨债鬼那里去还钱，刚好他也不在家。

 After a few days, a good goat to collect debts and to pay back the money, where a ghost, just that he is not at home.

只见讨债鬼的太太正抱著孩子在玩。

 I saw a ghost's wife, debt collection is holding a child in the play.

好色鬼道：“您的孩子真漂亮，圆圆胖胖的好可爱！”

 Good goat Road: "Your kids really beautiful, chubby cute!"

讨债鬼的老婆得意地说：“您过奖了！假如你喜欢的话，我也为你生一个。”

Debt collection ghost's wife, proudly said: "You flatter me! If you like it, I have one for you health."

生日Birthday（幽默鬼吧）

小捣蛋大声地祷告：“上帝啊，我生日那天让他们送我一大盒巧克力吧！”

Problem Child loudly prayed: "God, ah, my birthday they sent me a big box of chocolate bar!"

捣蛋鬼教授：“你嚷什么呀，小点声，上帝也听得见。”

Devils, Professor: "You cried What is it, a small point of sound, God hear."

小捣蛋：“我知道，可是妈妈听不见呀。”

Problem Child: "I know, but my mother hear 呀."

Humor Ghost Bar 

礼物Present（幽默鬼吧）

捣蛋鬼教授对小捣蛋说：“儿子，我想送一件生日礼物给你，让你高兴高兴！”

Professor troublemaker little troublemaker, said: "My son, I want to send a birthday gift to you, make you happy happy!"

“太谢谢了！爸爸。”小捣蛋回答。

 "Thank you so much! Dad." Problem Child answered.

“不过，给你礼物之前，我要问问你的考试成绩如何？”捣蛋鬼教授。

"But to give you a gift, I want to ask how your test scores?" Troublemaker professor.

“得了吧！”小捣蛋说，“如果你是真心让我高兴，就别问我的成绩。” "Come on!" Little mischief-making, "If you are really so I am happy, do not ask me the results." 

生日蛋糕Birthday cake（幽默鬼吧）

捣蛋鬼教授：“儿子，你今天7岁了。祝你生日快乐。”

 Devils professor: "My son, do you today, seven years old. I wish you a happy birthday."

小捣蛋：“谢谢您，爸爸。”

 Problem Child: "Thank you, Dad."

捣蛋鬼教授：“给你一块生日蛋糕，上面插上7支蜡烛，好么？” Devils, Professor: "to give you a birthday cake, the top plug seven candles, good it?"

小捣蛋：“爸爸，我更愿意要7块蛋糕和一支蜡烛。”

Problem Child: "Daddy, I would prefer to seven cake and a candle." 

菠菜和白菜Spinach and cabbage（幽默鬼吧）

午餐桌上，捣蛋鬼教授看小捣蛋净将肉和鱼块往自己碗里装。 Lunch on the table, look at a small mischievous troublemaker, Professor net meat and steak will be loaded into its own bowl.

捣蛋鬼教授：“吃一点菠菜和白菜吧，它会使你脸上更好看些的。” Devils Professor: "a little spinach and cabbage to eat it, it will make your face look even better more of."

小捣蛋：“谁稀罕绿颜色的脸蛋呢？”

Problem Child: "Shui Xihan green color face it?" 

钓鱼Fishing（幽默鬼吧）

捣蛋鬼教授带儿子钓鱼时说：“沉鱼落雁的故事是说：有个女人长得太美了，连鱼都自觉比不上，所以沉到水下……”

Devils professor took his son fishing, said: "Chenyulayan story is: There was a woman grown too beautiful, even the fish are smaller than consciously, so sink to the underwater ... ..."

小捣蛋：“怪个得，我每一次都钓不到鱼。”

 Problem Child: "strange one too, I could not catch any fish every time."

墨水价格Ink Price（幽默鬼吧）

小捣蛋：“爸爸，墨水价格很贵吗？”

Problem Child: "Daddy, ink price expensive?"

捣蛋鬼教授：“啊，不。你怎么会这样想呢？”

Troublemaker, Professor: "ah, no. How can you think so?"

小捣蛋：“因为我洒了一点点墨水在地毯上，妈妈就像非常痛心似的。”

Problem Child: "Because I sprinkled a little bit of ink on the carpet, like mother like a very distressing." 

小捣蛋和上帝Problem Child and God（幽默鬼吧）

小捣蛋在楼上睡觉，哭了。

Problem Child upstairs to bed and cried.

捣蛋鬼教授上楼问小捣蛋为何哭？

Troublemaker troublemaker, asked a professor of public housing are crying?

“爸爸，我怕。”

"Daddy, I'm afraid."

“不怕，小宝贝。上帝和你在一起。”

 "Do not fear, little baby. God be with you."

“爸爸，你来跟上帝在一起吧，我下去跟妈妈在一起，好不好？” "Dad, you come together with God, and I go on with your mother, okay?"

吝啬生意经Mean business sense（幽默鬼吧）

愚人节那天，鬼仔们相约到人间捉弄一下蠢人们。

Fool's Day that day, ghost world meet here to make fun of people look stupid.

吝啬鬼舍不得化钱，在人间转了一大圈，也找不到一个可以捉弄的人。

Miser stint of money, in the world turned a full circle, but also people who could not find a teaser.

现在的人，没钱，谁会听你摆布呢？

Now people, no money, who will listen to you manipulated?

吝啬鬼饿坏了，又舍不得上餐馆化销，就上了一家茶馆，要了一杯白开水。

Miser hungry, they could not bear the restaurants of sales, on the one on tea shops, to a glass of water.

突然，吝啬鬼的双眼紧盯着茶馆对面的那家馄饨店。

Suddenly, the miser's eyes glued to tea shop opposite the house ravioli.

吝啬鬼就问茶馆老板：“为什么你的茶馆生意那么好？那家馄饨店的生意却冷冷清清呢？”

Miser teahouse owner asked: "Why your business so good tea? Wonton shop at that business has deserted it?"

茶馆老板笑着说：“如果，那个老板在馄饨里再多放些盐，我的生意将更兴隆呢。”

Tea house owner said with a smile: "If, that more owner put some salt inside the ravioli, my business, it will be more prosperous."

吝啬鬼叹息道：“都说我是吝啬鬼，吝啬有什么不好呢？这茶馆生意不就是靠吝啬，才打败了不吝啬的馄饨店老板吗？”

 Miser a sigh: "Everybody says I'm stingy, miserly, what is wrong? This tea business is by no mean, it does not mean the defeat of the wonton shop boss?" 

马屁鬼人间考察Ass ghost human study（幽默鬼吧）

在鬼域地界，鬼仔们都说人间最讨厌马屁鬼。

Boundaries in the ghost town, ghost world who say the most annoying ass ghost.

马屁鬼心里很不服气，就在愚人节那天，决定到人间作一次实地考察。

 Ass ghost heart very convinced, in Fool's Day that day and decided to make a field visit to the world.

马屁鬼闲逛到一个小镇上，看到一个老头正愁眉苦脸地蹲在屋前。 Ass ghost wandering in a small town, to see an old man squatting front of the house are a worried look.

马屁鬼就上前问道：“你为何愁容满面的？”

Ass ghost came to him, asked: "Why are you sad looking?"

老头说：“我家停水三个月了，可镇长却不肯管这事。”

The old man said: "My family was suspended for three months, and can control this mayor refused."

马屁鬼：“那你为什么不对他多说些好话呢？”

Ass ghost: "Why did you not say more good things he does?"

老头叹了口气：“他总对人说，他是从来不吃马屁的。”

 The old man sighed: "He always told people that he is never eat ass for."

马屁鬼不信人间有不吃马屁的人，于是他就去找那位镇长了。

 Ass ghosts do not believe in this world who do not eat ass, so he went to the mayor who had.

马屁鬼满脸堆笑地找到了镇长：“镇长，您真辛苦呀！”

Ass ghost smiles to find the mayor: "Mayor, you really hard ah!"

镇长一本正经地应道：“不要叫镇长，我是人民的公仆，你就叫同志。”

The mayor replied, gravely: "Do not call the mayor, I am a servant of the people, you called comrades."

马屁鬼赶紧改口：“噢，同志，请抽烟。”随即递上一支三五牌香烟。 Ass ghost quickly changed his tune: "Oh, comrades, a cigarette." Then handed him a 35 cigarettes.

镇长用手挡住了：“不要来这一套！有理就直说吧。”

Hand blocking the mayor: "Do not blah blah! Justified on the straight talk."

马屁鬼伸出大拇指夸奖：“嗬，您真是廉洁奉公，两袖清风哇！” Ghost ass thumbs compliment: "Oh, you really clean, uncorrupted wow!"

镇长一瞪眼：“你别总是拍马奉承的，我可是个专门为民办实事的人！” Mayor of a stare: "Do not always shoot Ma Fengcheng, and I'm a person dedicated to tangible things!"

马屁鬼赞颂道：“是啊，谁都知道您是最讨厌拍马屁的。”说着，马屁鬼呈上了一张纸条。

Ass ghost praising Road: "Yes ah, everyone knows you hate flatterer." Talking, ass ghost goes to a note.

镇长得意地微笑着说：“你说得对，我这个人就是不吃马屁。你的要求不就是修理一下水管的事吗？”镇长随即在纸条上签上了“即办”两个字。

 Mayor smiled and said proudly: "You are right, I just do not eat ass. Your request is to repair the water pipes do not do it?" The mayor then a piece of paper signed "that do "word.

那老头看到了纸条后马上转悲为喜：“看来，我活着不会拍马屁，死后一定要变成马屁鬼。”

The old man saw the note immediately after the turn grief to joy: "It seems that I live will not be flattering, sure to become ass ghost after death."