糊涂鬼擒贼Silly ghost Defeat the enemy【幽默鬼吧】

糊涂鬼意外地捉到了一个窃贼。

Muddle-headed ghost accidentally caught a thief.

糊涂鬼十分得意：“谁说我糊涂哇，我连贼都能逮住哇。”

Muddle-headed ghost is very proud of: "Who says I confused wow, I could not even be able to catch thieves wow."

窃贼知道糊涂鬼就怕人家说他糊涂，所以说话做事总喜欢反向思维。

Thieves know that people said he was afraid of ghosts confused confused, so my words do things always like reverse thinking.

窃贼就对糊涂鬼说：“你怎么会糊涂呢？我这次栽到了你的手上，就证明你是聪明过人的人。我有一个请求，我接受你对我的任何处罚，就是千万不要带我到人多的市场里去，你显得很光荣，我却太丢人啦。”

The thief on the right silly ghost, said: "how can you be confused? I plummeted your hand this time, they prove that you are extremely intelligent people. I have a request, I accept your right any of my punishment, that is 10 million Do not bring me to the crowded market going, you looked very honorable, but I was too ashamed about her. "

糊涂鬼心想：“哼，你不让我去，我就非得去。”

Ghost confused thought: "Well, you will not let me go, I'll have to go."

窃贼来到了热闹的市场，就如鱼得水，一下子逃到人群中去了。

The thief came to the bustling market, themselves, and suddenly fled to the crowd went.

糊涂鬼在人群中怎能找得到逃走的窃贼呢？

How silly ghost in the crowd fleeing thieves find on it?

糊涂鬼买肉Silly ghost buy meat【幽默鬼吧】

糊涂鬼在菜市场上买了一斤肉，还有一些花椒、茴香等佐料。

Ghost in the vegetable market on the muddled bought a pound of meat, and some pepper, fennel and other seasonings.

没想到走到半路上，突然窜出一只野猫，叼走了他刚买来得肉。

Never thought that went half way, suddenly sprang a wild cat, Diao came away, he bought the meat.

糊涂鬼气得跳脚骂道：“混蛋，花椒、茴香还在我的口袋里，看你怎么吃这些肉！”

Silly ghost jump up curse: "The bastards, pepper, fennel was in my pocket to see how you eat the meat!"

老鼠Mouse【幽默鬼吧】

马屁鬼是个怕老婆的人，在家里总是被老婆扭耳朵，两只耳朵也总是被扭又红又肿的。

 Mapi ghost who is henpecked at home has always been my wife twisted ears, two ears always been twisted red and swollen.

有一次朋友来作客，就故意问马屁鬼：“你的耳朵怎么啦？”

On one occasion a friend to a guest, you pointedly asked Mapi Ghost: "Your ears how now?"

马屁鬼说：“家里有只老鼠，总是喜欢咬我的耳朵。”

Mapi Ghost said: "The family has only the mouse, always like to bite my ear."

马屁鬼的老婆听到了这话，冲了过来，一把扭住了他的耳朵：“胡说八道！看你还敢说我是老鼠！”

Mapi ghost's wife heard the words, and rushed over, a grasp of his ears: "Nonsense! See you dare to say that I was a rat!"

马屁鬼的嘴Mapi Ghost's mouth 【幽默鬼吧】

有位新上任的县官为了体现自己关心民情，就带着马屁鬼一起下乡。

One newly appointed magistrate in order to realize they are concerned with the people, the countryside, together with Mapi ghost.

县官看到一户人家正在打制家具。

Magistrate that a family is being chipped furniture.

他就随手抓起刨子说：“你们过上了好日子，可不能忘本呀。我虽然当了县官，可我是木工出身。”

He readily picked up spores, said: "You lived a good life, can not forget our roots 呀. Although I have been a magistrate, but I came from a carpenter."

说着，他就用刨子在一块木板上刨了几下。

So saying, he was on board with the spores in a plane a few times.

马屁鬼赶紧说道：“瞧，当官的连刨木都是行家，如果让我干这活，准得刨破了皮。”

Mapi Ghost hurriedly said: "Look, an officer of the company planed wood is an insider, if I do this live, Zhunde plane breaking the skin."

县官很得意，于是又刨了几下，没想到却真让刨破了皮。

Magistrate is very proud of, so he planed a few times, but really did not expect to break the skin planing.

马屁鬼连忙说：“哟，若是让我刨这木板，那可得刨进骨头里啦。”

Mapi Ghost hurriedly said: "yo, if I planed the wood, it can get plane into the bones inside her."

闻香Smells【幽默鬼吧】

吝啬鬼带着女友散步，路过咖啡馆。

Miser with his girlfriend walking, passing through coffee shop.

女友赞叹道：“真香啊！”

Girlfriend marveled: "It's fragrant ah!"

囊中羞涩的吝啬鬼很绅士地说：“如果你喜欢，我们再从咖啡馆门前走一次。”

Penny-pinching miser is a gentleman said: "If you like, let us go from the coffee shop in front of one." 

记忆Memory【幽默鬼吧】

一个当过官的贪心鬼死了。

Served as an officer of the greedy ghost died.

在葬礼上，大家一言不发。

At the funeral, everyone silent.

主持的牧师问：“对死者生前的优点，难道就没有给谁留下一些美好的记忆吗？”

Over the pastor asked: "The advantages of the deceased, should not and to whom leave some good memories of it?"

过了半晌，一个理发师开始说了：“我经常给他刮脸，他的脸皮很厚。”

After a long while, a barber began to say: "I always give him a shave, his very thick skinned."

告状Complain 【幽默鬼吧】

法官：“你声称被告老色鬼从你老婆的三角裤叉里偷走了钱？”

Judge: "You claimed that the defendants old goat from your wife's briefs fork stole the money?"

糊涂鬼：“是的，大人。”

Confused ghost: "Yes, your excellency."

法官：“那你老婆为什么不反抗？”

Judge: "Then why do not resist your wife?"

糊涂鬼红着脸答：“我老婆不知道他是要偷她的钱。”

Muddle-headed ghost blush replied: "My wife did not know if he was to steal her money."

观赏芭蕾舞Ballet【幽默鬼吧】

糊涂鬼第一次观赏芭蕾舞，看到台上演员们踮着脚尖急转时，他禁不住问捣蛋鬼教授：“他们为什么不选些高个的女孩来跳呢？”

Muddle-headed ghost first ballet performance, see a sharp reversal of the stage actors tiptoed, he could not help but ask devils professor: "Why do they not vote for some tall girl to dance with it?" 

支票Check（幽默鬼吧）

糊涂鬼拿一张支票到银行兑现。

Take a confused ghost check cashed in banks.

出纳员：“你能证明是你本人吗？”

Cashier: "You can prove that you own it?"

糊涂鬼听了困惑不解，掏出一面镜子照了照，答：“没错！是我本人！”

Muddle-headed ghost heard puzzled, took out a mirror according to the photo, answered: "Yes! Yes I am!"

两个女人Two women（幽默鬼吧）

糊涂鬼的老婆和冒失鬼的老婆午饭时聊天。

Confused wife and daredevil ghost of his wife for lunch chat.

糊涂鬼的老婆：“那个老色鬼长得真帅，衣服穿得也得体。”

Muddle-headed ghost's wife: "That old goat looks so cool, clothing, dress is also decent."

冒失鬼的老婆：“可不是，他在我面前时，脱衣服比穿衣服还要快呢。”

Daredevil's wife: "Is not he in front of me when the clothes off faster than the clothes on it." 

反客为主Become masters（幽默鬼吧）

吝啬鬼应邀与朋友一起到酒家去用餐。

Miser was invited to go with friends to a restaurant meal.

酒席上就留下了上首座的空位子，吝啬客就毫不客气地坐在上首座了。

Banquet on the left's first on the empty seat, mean passengers would sit on the blunt's first of the.

吝啬鬼这次开了大胃口了，所有的朋友都给他添菜加酒的，他格外的兴奋。

This opened a big appetite miser, and all our friends and gave him Tiancai plus wine, and he had a great excitement.

这时，服务员跑到吝啬鬼跟前结帐了。

At this time, the waiter went to checkout the front miser.

吝啬鬼大惊：“我是来作客的，怎么要我卖单呢？”

Startled miser: "I came to a guest, how should I sell orders?"

服务员笑了：“我们只认坐在上首座的顾客。”

Waiter smiled: "We just sat on the identification of the customer's first."

买酒Liquor（幽默鬼吧）

吝啬鬼叫他新雇的仆人街上买酒，只给空瓶却不给钱。

Miser called his new servant employed street liquor, do not give money only to bottles.

仆人很奇怪：“你还没给我钱哩。”

Servant very strange: "Do you not give me the money miles."

吝啬鬼生气了：“化钱买酒，谁不会？”

Scrooge angry: "of money to buy wine, who will not?"

仆人二话没说地上街去了。

The servant went to the streets Erhuamoshui.

不一会，仆人回来将酒瓶递给了吝啬鬼：“你要的酒买来了。”

Within a short while, the servant came back and handed the bottle of the miser: "You have to buy the wine."

吝啬鬼高兴地端起酒瓶就想喝酒，可是酒瓶子是空的，那来的酒哇。

Misers are pleased to reach for the bottle want to drink, but the bottle is empty, the child, then to the wine wow.

吝啬鬼大怒：“你买来的酒在哪里？” Miser was furious: "Where is the wine you bought?"

仆人笑道：“酒瓶里有酒，谁不会喝？你要能在空瓶子里喝出酒来，这才是本事哇！”

Servant laughed: "There are wine bottle, who will not drink it? You want to be able to drink out of wine bottles and yard, this is the ability wow!"

蜗居Small flat（幽默鬼吧）

吝啬鬼买不起住房，就与小心气鬼一起合租了一间蜗居似的小屋。

Miser can not afford housing, together with careful co-rented a small flat air like a ghost house.

偏偏下雨时，小屋项漏水了，吝啬鬼与小气鬼谁也不肯掏钱去请修理工。

Happens when it rains, cabin entry leaks, and stingy with the cheapskate who have no buyers to invite repairman.

小气鬼只得用一只旧瓦盆顶在头上，他对吝啬鬼说：“我总不能老是顶着这瓦盆过日子吧。”

Cheapskate when it comes only with an old Wapen on their heads, he miser said: "I can not always withstand the Wapen live it."

吝啬鬼指着自己头上带着的破草帽说：“你已住在瓦房里了，我可还住在草屋下，你要求那么高干什么？”

 Pointing with miser-breaking straw hat on his head, said: "You have to live in tile-roofed house where, and I can still live in thatched cottage, you do require so high?"

吝啬鬼约会Miser dating（幽默鬼吧）

吝啬鬼从网上结识了一个姑娘。

Scrooge met a girl from the Internet.

吝啬鬼约姑娘一起到公园去玩。

Scrooge about the girl went to the park to play.

姑娘答应了，于是两人一起乘公共汽车去公园。

The girl agreed, so together they took a bus to the park.

一上车，吝啬鬼便掏出月票对那位姑娘说：“我有月票，你只买自己的吧！”

 Yishang Ju, misers they took out a pass for the girl who said: "I have a monthly pass, you only buy your own bar!"

结果那姑娘气得连招呼都没打一声就在下一站下了车。

The result was no play soon as say hello girl angry at the next stop on the car.

事后，吝啬鬼还振振有词地道：“我说得没错呀！我要不这么说，她买了二张票岂不浪费了！”

Subsequently, the miser is also plausibly authentic: "I was right 呀! Otherwise I would say that she bought two tickets this not a waste!"

用厕Use toilet（幽默鬼吧）

吝啬鬼要网上又结了一个女朋友，他就约女朋友一起上街。

Miser to end up with a girlfriend online again, he is about his girlfriend took to the streets.

二人走到快乐广场时，那姑娘有些便急，就拉着吝啬鬼来到一收费公厕前，并示意小气鬼交钱。

The duo went to a happy square, then some girl will be anxious, they pulled to a charge of public toilets before the miser, and to indicate cheapskate Jiaoqian.

吝啬鬼则十分惊奇地说：“上厕所还要几毛钱！太划不来了！你走到前面那片树林里去方便！我替你放哨。”

Miser is very surprised to say: "even a few cents on the toilet! So it does not pay a! Napian you go in front of the woods go easy! I sentry for you."

那姑娘又气又羞，用手捂着脸，哭着跑开了。

That girl, anger and shame, hands Wuzhao Lian, crying and ran away.Humor Ghost Bar

求爱前的准备Preparation before courtship（幽默鬼吧）

吝啬鬼舍不得化钱，找女朋友的事，就成了他的心病。

Scrooge stint of money, find a girlfriend thing, it became his heart disease.

吝啬鬼居然也找到了一个机会，他在马路上结识了一个从乡下到城里擦皮鞋的姑娘。

Misers somehow also found an opportunity, he met a road from the countryside to the city shoeshine girl.

那姑娘居然同意了他的求爱。

That girl actually agree to his courtship.

星期天一大早，吝啬鬼就喜滋滋地牵着那位乡下姑娘的手上山游玩去了。

Sunday morning, a scrooge would happily holding the hands of the mountain country girl who went to the play.

玩到中午的时候，那姑娘说肚子饿。

Play to noon, the girl said she was hungry.

吝啬鬼就打开随身带的布包，拿出一个馍头，自己啃了起来。

Misers on open carry with a cloth, took out a bun head, his eating again.

那姑娘以为吝啬鬼是在和她开玩笑，于是就抢过包来说：“你给我准备了啥好吃的？”姑娘边说边打开包来看，里面却是一团旧报纸！

That girl that is a miser, and her jokes, so he grabbed the bag and said: "You give me prepared Han delicious?" The girl said as he opened package of view, which is a group old newspapers!

姑娘失望地把那旧报纸甩在了地上，大惑不解地问：“咦！你给我准备的就是这旧报纸！

Girl disappointment to put the old newspaper thrown to the ground, puzzled and asked: "Hey! You give is that I am going to old newspapers!

吝啬鬼看戏Miser to see them（幽默鬼吧）

吝啬鬼一家去看戏，朋友送给他们的是楼上的票。

Scrooge a theater, a friend gave them to the upstairs of the vote.

可吝啬鬼的儿子总是趴在栏杆上往下看。

Be miser's son always lie on the railing to look down.

吝啬鬼就对他妻子说：“好好看着孩子，别让他掉下去，楼下是一等票，掉下去要补票就麻烦了。”

Stingy against his wife, said: "good looking kids, do not let him fall to go downstairs is a first-class ticket, and fell to the replacement ticket will be in trouble."

送花圈Wreaths（幽默鬼吧）

吝啬鬼给自己刚逝世的朋友送了一个花圈，飘带上写着：“安息吧，再见！”

 Misers to the death of a friend he had just sent a wreath, ribbon reads: "rest in peace, good-bye!"

事后吝啬鬼又觉得一样付钱买花圈，就写这几个字，太吃亏了。

 Afterwards feel like a scrooge pay for wreaths, we write these words, too much at a disadvantage.

吝啬鬼就给治丧委员会打电话，说：“请在前边再加上'天堂'两个字，如果能挤得下的话。”

 Misers Jiuji funeral committee called to say: "Please in the front plus 'heaven' word, if packed under the words."

第二天出殡的时候，吝啬鬼看到了他送的那个花圈飘带上已改成了：“安息吧，天堂里再见。如果能挤得下的话。”

 Funeral the next day when the miser saw that he sent a wreath ribbon has been changed to: "rest in peace in heaven, where good-bye. If packed under the words."

手枪打火机Pistol Lighter（幽默鬼吧）

冒失鬼戴着墨镜出去逛街。

Daredevil sunglasses out shopping.

见到一个卖打火机的小精品店，里面各式各样的打火机玲琅满目。 To see a small boutique selling lighters, which a wide range of lighter-ling-lang everywhere.

冒失鬼看中了一款像手枪一样的打火机。

 Daredevil fancy like a lighter, like a pistol.

此款打火机和别的手枪打火机最大的不同之处是它的火点在枪后面。

Cikuan pistol lighters and other lighters biggest difference is that it points in the gun behind the fire.

点火的时候要把枪口对准前面然后抠动板机。

When the ignition should at gunpoint in front and then pull the trigger.

冒失鬼买下了这只打火机，在回家的路上，突然想抽烟了，他的右手伸进衣服里面的口袋，取出打火机手枪对准前面一抠！ Daredevil bought only lighter on the way home, suddenly want to smoke, and his right hand reached into his inside pocket of clothing, remove the cigarette lighter to pull the pistol in front of one!

“砰”的一声枪响！

 "Bang" and a bang! 冒失鬼觉得自己胸口麻麻的，一束小血注正从胸口喷涌而出！

Ma Ma daredevil feel chest, and a bunch of note is the small blood gushed from his chest!

冒失鬼低头一看，差点晕死过去！

 Daredevil Ditouyikan, almost Yunsi in the past!

自己竟然中了一发真子弹！

Themselves even in the Yi Fa real bullets!

冒失鬼大惑不解！

 Daredevil bewildered!

抬起头来向前仔细一看，前方不远处居然是一家大银行。

Looked up and forward you look closely, is actually not far from the front of a big bank.

一辆运钞车正停在门口。

1 armored cars are stopped at the door.

一个全副武装的警察正端着枪对着冒失鬼！

 A heavily armed police officers are facing the sad sack Duan Zhaoqiang!

 顿时，他明白了一切……

Suddenly, he understood everything ... ...

看错方向Wrong direction（幽默鬼吧）

捣蛋鬼和冒失鬼在戏院内看戏，但两人叽叽喳喳的聊个没完，影响了坐在前排的一个观众。

 Devils and daredevil in the cinema to see them, but the two chatted for a twitter Mei Wan, affecting an audience sitting in the front row.

那个观众虽然很生气，但还是礼貌地转过身来对捣蛋鬼和冒失鬼说：“我想看戏，你们不反对吧？”

That audience, though sometimes angry, but still politely turned to the devils and the sad sack said: "I want to see play, you do not oppose it?"

捣蛋鬼笑着回答说：“那么，你看错方向了。”

 Devils smiled and replied: "Well, you have the wrong direction."