Wake up（11）

 

Chapter 2 Going home

11

 

At dawn in early summer, the sky seems to be painted with colorful paint by a naughty child. Here is a piece of red, and there is a piece of yellow, mostly warm tones, but not very deep. Compared with the burning clouds at dusk, its In addition to being gorgeous, there is a touch of elegance. But in this colorful season, Nan Yangsheng can't feel the warm sunshine of this summer, and he can't enjoy the tranquility given by nature alone. He couldn't get rid of his chaotic thoughts and stay away from the hustle and bustle in his heart.

Nanyangsheng’s family is poor, and her mother has suffered from depression for a long time. During the depressive episodes, she often felt sad, irritable, and empty. She was depressed most of the time for more than two weeks, and lost her sense of joy or interest in life. Mothers also experience other symptoms that may include poor concentration, excessive guilt or self-deprecation, hopelessness about the future, sleep disturbances, changes in appetite or weight, and feeling extra tired or low on energy. She even had thoughts of death or suicide. The mother's emotional changes made her often have physical symptoms of pain, fatigue, and weakness.

Nanyangsheng has no impression of his father since he was a child. His father has been working outside for a long time, and occasionally he will send some money to his mother for medical treatment.

Nanyangsheng's grandfather, He Jiafu, is a disabled person with missing legs.

Disability and non-disability are entirely socially constructed concepts, just like black and white. Human individuals vary, for example in height. Many people who are considered to be of "normal" height cannot reach the highest level of the bookcase without some aids such as chairs and ladders, but they are not considered disabled, have short-sightedness, and cannot see clearly without glasses stuff, and they won't be identified as disabled. Why? Because dominant groups in society have the power to define what constitutes an able-bodied person. Therefore, it is not unhealthy not to be able to reach the top of the bookcase without a heightening tool, and it is not unhealthy to be unable to see clearly without glasses.

There is no doubt that using a wheelchair, hearing or seeing can have an impact on your life. Pointing out that disability and disability are socially constructed concepts is not to dismiss or negate these effects.

But when people in wheelchairs are seen as abnormal, inferior, passive, weak, dependent on others, and have nothing to mention except disability, this is not brought about by disability itself, but a label imposed by socially constructed concepts.

Grandfather He Jiafu never regarded himself as a disabled person. He believes that there is no difference between himself and ordinary people. Everyone is an ordinary person, and he does not need to deliberately "take care".

Once, a friend came to visit and saw my grandfather cooking. He strode up and snatched his grandfather's spatula, and said, "How can I let you cook? Your daughter-in-law doesn't care about you too much! Your son goes out to work and doesn't come home often. These children are too much." gone."

But the grandfather wanted to say in his heart, "You know what? The best respect for this disabled person with missing legs is to treat me as an ordinary person. I don't need pity."

My grandfather often said: After I went round and round from the god of death, I used time to convince myself to live bravely. When I walked on the streets of the small town with a cane, I was sensitive and could feel eyes from all directions, with concern, curiosity, and more often, pity. Because I have made enough mental preparations, when many eyes with different meanings focus on me, I will not choose to escape.

Although the grandfather He Jiafu is missing a leg, it does not prevent him from dressing himself and going to the toilet. He can solve many things, and most of the time he doesn't need anyone's help. He longed to live a life like ordinary people. Because his legs and feet are inconvenient, he doesn't have many opportunities to go out.

My mother suffered from depression for a long time, and my father went out to work again, so the family had no source of income. Nan Yangsheng did not fall into the despair of life.

My grandfather, with a crooked leg, often took Nanyangsheng to the mountains to pick Chinese herbal medicines, and often went to small towns to set up stalls to sell Chinese herbal medicines. In addition to subsidizing the family, earning some money is to help my mother treat her illness.

Grandfather has actually been holding the family together. In addition to supporting Nanyangsheng, this family also needs to support Nanyangsheng's younger brother and sister.

Grandfather is definitely not a weak person. "Go your own way and let others talk about it", this sentence that flaunts individuality is also what my grandfather often said.

Nan Yangsheng didn't know why his grandfather was missing a leg, because his grandfather was never willing to talk about it.

My grandfather is uneducated, but he can read some words. He often collects some old newspapers and pays close attention to the reports on the Anti-Japanese War. He also collected some leaflets from the Cultural Revolution period.

My grandfather also taught Nan Yangsheng and his younger siblings about culture, focusing on teaching them how to behave.

Nan Yangsheng's younger sister, Nan Liwa, is a sensible and kind girl. But his younger brother, Nanshan Yun, was very rebellious. He didn't believe in ghosts and gods, nor did he have faith. He hated Confucius and Confucianism. Nan Yangsheng and his younger brother often had conflicts over this matter.

When Nan Yangsheng and his younger brother often had disputes about whether there were gods and ghosts in the world, they would ask his grandfather: Are there ghosts and gods in this world? My grandfather always said, maybe, maybe not, the important thing is to believe in yourself.

My grandfather had a good friend who was an old Chinese doctor. With the help of the old Chinese doctor, Nan Yangsheng finally had the opportunity to study and eventually became a doctor of psychology.

Nanyangsheng finished his studies and returned to his hometown, Nanling Town.

Summer is leisurely and pleasant. The summer taste in my hometown is very special. The green of the field makes people feel refreshed. A gust of cool wind blows gently, and the leaves play a unique music "salasala", accompanied by the excited and happy "chirp" of the birds, forming a wonderful natural symphony.

Nan Yangsheng wanted to go home first, and then go to a big city to find a job.