1
In the dark night, the dark and dark cloak wrapped the world together. However, the night finally became pale, after all, it could not compete for the dawn.
A vermilion sun climbed up from the sky, emitting hundreds of millions of red arrows, driving the remaining night.
The sun rises higher and higher, dazzling more and more.
The sun changed from vermilion to golden red. In an instant, the arrows of golden light spread all over the earth that was once wrapped in darkness.
I lay in bed, looking at this bright and splendid scene, and forgot the big and round moon for a moment. The changes in the natural world are more or less amazing, as if the world has changed in the moment you close your eyes and sleep and wake up and open your eyes.
If it is said that the alternation of day and night is a change in nature, then this change must be achieved after twenty-four hours of fighting.
However, there is another change in the world, but this change can not be completed in twenty-four hours, that is, a child who has begun to think about the change in the understanding of his biological father. It is simply a foolish practice to transform the love of the father, which the child has formed for a long time, into hatred at once, and it can be realized by the replacement of the day and night.
People who are doing this stupid way are now sitting next to my mother.
She is a pretty woman and looks very educated. Her body structure showed a harmonious and sharp curve. She wore a Lenin outfit, which was the most fashionable women's cadre suit at the time. This suit also marked her occupation.
This woman is a member of the Lithuanian committee. Her speech is very easy-going, and her sentences seem to be for the sake of others, making people feel that she is not doing anything for her own benefit. Therefore, some people's family troubles and even small things in life will go to talk to her, and every time they will get her guidance and help, and leave her with a satisfied smile. No wonder people warmly call her "our big sister Li".
Housewives like to chat with her, and even children like to talk to her. Every time she sees the children, she will take the initiative to say hello, ask about the things at home, ask about the study, and also ask whether they are playing well.
Sister Li has a clear understanding of the situation of each family and has become the backbone of all families. No matter who has any disputes, she will go to her. No matter who has any funerals or funerals, she will report to her.
Sister Li came to my house early in the morning. She chatted intimately with her mother. Surprisingly, she seemed to be a different person. She would talk about my father so arrogantly behind her back. I really wanted to get up from the bed and beat her up, kicking her out.
However, my mother sat there peacefully, listening to her eloquent words, and sometimes nodded, not only did not have the slightest disgust, but also constantly asked questions and listened to the easy-going woman's explanation and guidance.
I love my father and I respect my mother. The only way is to continue to lie in the bed and listen to their conversation.
"I had expected that, but it doesn't matter. Hurry up and prepare early. We can talk while eating. What if we don't eat early? Don't be angry."
Mother went to prepare early.
Sister Li glanced around the room, then turned her eyes to me: "Why don't you get up? Look, the sun is all butt, did you sleep well last night?"
"No class today." I said.
"No wonder. Yeah, you should sleep a little longer without class anyway, otherwise you will doze off during class."
Mother brought a bowl of pickled rice with a pickled cucumber on it.
"Yo, this rice is too cold, it's best to soak it in hot water, don't eat your stomach."
"I ’m used to it. The old man ran out of money and drank the horse urine. Even the steel pot at home was sold by him. Now he has no banknotes and has to eat the northwest wind. I sold three for this home. The gold ring, one was sold when the toll went to Shenyang to run out, and the other was sold to add household items at home. The last one was sold to make a suit for this old red guy. I ran out of my money, turned my face and did n’t recognize anyone, and just kept drinking old wine, eating fish, eating meat, shopping in the park, swinging the street ... "The mother said more and more, knocking chopsticks against the bowl edge.
"Alas, men in your family do n’t stay at home often. You have to bring children and take care of housework. Usually you have to save money and frugality. It ’s really not easy. Now men do n’t have a family concept. In fact, why do men and women get married? Is n’t it to have a family? To be dedicated and diligent for work is something everyone knows. But a person with a family must have a family concept in addition to work. I ’m doing this job Going to the house, I saw that many family inconsistencies were caused by men. "Sister Li spoke eloquently, just like the white foam water that opened the gate, flowing continuously.
"Is this the same for other people's men?" The mother asked, stopping the chopsticks.
"Which is more! Not only your husband. Some men think they have fought wars and made achievements, liberated China and women. But where do they know that women ’s liberation depends on women themselves. Without men, women Can't be liberated? Where did the man come from? It's not a woman's birth? But men don't think so, they don't understand women's psychology at all. Women need men's thoughtfulness, men's tenderness, men need to be in the spirit Consolation on men. And men? They only know that they are satisfied with physical enjoyment. They always treat women as hedonistic toys, which can be thrown over and thrown away, just like boss Huang, who married a total of 18 wives, But later? "
Boss Huang is the old man who lives in the broken house along the street. Regarding Boss Huang ’s later events, I have also heard that he was a hooligan who was caught and shot by the People ’s Government.
This night, I did not sleep well, and I have not forgotten so far.
2
The woman talked a lot about the men who abandoned the women in various households, and talked about women's difficulties, women's pain and misfortune. But the mother did not continue to listen, but interrupted her words:
"So should our women be like this? Isn't it said that women are liberated now?"
"How can I say that fate should be like this?" Sister Li took a sip of tea, and then went on, "said that women are now liberated, it means that women are suffering, they can tell the people's government, the people's government will give women control. Think about it In the old society, to whom can women tell when they have suffering? Who will give you the ruling? Alas, but our present women do n’t understand this, and they do n’t know how to reflect to the people ’s government when they are suffering. In fact, women have Grievances can tell us that the Liwei cadres can stand up to speak and make decisions for women. If we ca n’t solve it, there is a court. Why should women be afraid of men! "
Woman, man
Man, woman.
It ’s not clear to me, why is she talking about these men and women, and what does it have to do with our family?
I lifted the quilt, dressed in slippers, and walked toward the bathroom. When I walked to the bathroom door, I heard Sister Li saying.
"I think you are a little afraid of your man, what are you afraid of? He is a person and you are a person. You should go to find a job and get out of this family, this is to liberate yourself. Look at me, I will not come by those chores. Shackle yourself, how free I am, my man can't control me at all, and he doesn't have the power to control me ... "
I finally stopped and turned my head, and I stared at this nasty woman fiercely, summoning the courage to ask her:
"I'm a man too. I don't allow you to say that a man is bad in front of a man, let alone you say bad things about my father!"
Sister Li stared at me in surprise, she seemed a bit dazed, maybe she never thought I would hit her, and I was a kid then.
The mother suddenly awakened from her surprised look:
"Little Red Guy! If you talk hard again, beware of killing you!"
I slammed the bathroom door. I really hate this abominable voice, saying that women who are not afraid of men.
"This little red guy is stubborn, just like his old red guy, don't go wrong." Mother said to Sister Li.
"I know, he has two hair spins on his head! But, it's no wonder that your husband loves him the most, how could he not be affected?" I heard her in the bathroom intermittently to my mother Say: "Did he go to Niu's house with your husband yesterday?"
I can't hear you next.
After a while, I heard her voice again: "I know that widow. She is a famous woman. Every night, many men come to her until they get into the middle of the night. Alas, he died in his thirties. How can I survive a husband who is a woman with water-borne flowers? This kind of person lacks virtue. Others have wives and children. Haven't they destroyed their families? "
Then, I can't hear clearly. I'm a bit regretful that I closed the door heavily just now, so I should leave some gaps. I walked to the door and wanted to open the door, but I did not want to hear her voice. I turned around. At this time, her words drifted into my ears one after another.
"Why didn't the person who came from your husband's unit tell you last time? Alas, he is engaged in organizational work. He has come to me to understand his situation at home. I still try my best. Let me talk to you. I told him that you are busy at home, you have to take your children, and you have to do housework, but your husband does n’t do anything. He goes home at midnight and lays down as soon as he goes home. Sleeping as if this home was a hotel for him. I also told him that your husband sometimes does n’t come home, and I asked him if he lived in school? Do you know how he answered? Oops, There is no teacher ’s dormitory in the school! Where can he sleep? I asked him, did you know that there is a good woman outside him? He did n’t say anything, but from his eyes, I can see, He knows it, he must know the saucy woman. The widow who died the man is no better than a comfort zone, and they have known each other since they were young, how can there be no relationship between men and women for a long time? When I went to Suzhou to play once, the problem was here ... "The more mysterious and mysterious, the more mysterious, and the louder her voice," Do you know? Sometimes he keeps getting at the woman's house In the middle of the night, when I left, I was afraid that someone would hear it, and I deliberately opened the faucet. The faucet was installed on the sink in front of her house. The sound of the water could cover the footsteps. What kind of feelings will he have with you! Think about it, where will he put you in your heart? Where is he like a man who is a husband? He not only forgets you long ago, but also hates you! Why is he? Always drinking? Just because I see you hate, but what do you say to borrow wine to worry about it ... "
This time I was stunned. It turned out that my father was such a person, but I still didn't understand. Why didn't I see what was wrong with my father and Niu Shouhua? Maybe it was a bad thing the father did when he went to Niu's house alone.
"Look, he will fall out with you sooner or later, and he will find ways to let that woman show you, now he is a concubine, and he will become his wife justly ..."
My head started to dizzy. I thought in my head that my father would marry Niu Shouhua as his wife. Thinking of this, I couldn't help getting angry: why did a mother of someone else's child come to occupy my mother's place? A widow wants to occupy my mother's place!
I feel sad and angry, and I feel more and more that my father is wrong. The first time I realized that I was so unfortunate.
I do n’t know when Sister Li left my house, but I do n’t think she ’s talking anymore, because what she said caused me to fall into contemplation, into a contemplation that a second grader should n’t have. .
3
I have a father!
I have a mother!
I love them, and they all love me!
But now? I was suddenly estranged from them, and I became a person who was indifferent to them, as if I only knew them!
My father no longer cared about me as much as before, and my mother no longer loved me as much as before.
All these changes started after the stranger in the father's unit came, and the frequent appearance of the Li cadre Li Jie in my house exacerbated this change.
Father and mother have been completely upset. The wedding photo of the father and mother was torn in half by the father. Several of our children live in panic, and their parents see endless quarrels and even fights every day. This restless life has continued for more than half a year.
On one occasion, under the persuasion of the neighbors, the mother finally sat up in her small bed. This small bed belongs to her. She has been sleeping with her father for a long time. I saw my mother's hair scattered, her clothes had been torn, her face was pale, she was panting, and she cried and scolded:
"This old man who kills thousands of knives! You think you can live a good life with a vixen, it's not that easy! Huh, after fighting and doing good work, even if you have the ability! You can't have a wife! I call you If you don't become a cadre, I want everyone to know your ugly things! I won't let you be a Communist! You are good, I ... "
I hid in the corner in panic, listening to the hysterical scolding of my mother, while looking at the persuaded women, these women were all housewives, of course, there were also Li cadres in the middle, especially the elder sister Li .
I understand very well that my mother is scolding my father, and I also understand that what the mother scolds my father is the result of Sister Li's usual teachings to my mother. Because I heard Sister Li say to my mother like this:
"He is a party member and a cadre. He thought it was his proud capital. Do n’t be afraid. We have to support you. We tore his mask off, removed his office, and gave up his official. See what he has. It's cool! "
But I don't understand, my father is not at home? Why did my mother suddenly yell and cry! Oh, yes, the mother was dragged in by the neighbors from the outside. So, where was the mother just now?
4
From the scolding of my mother, I gradually figured it out: my mother had just returned from the Niu family in the company of Sister Li.
Mother is going to catch adultery. Although she found her father at the Niu family and also found the Niu Shouhua, they were indeed together. The fact that the correct news was obtained was naturally the merits of the Li cadre Li Jie. However, there are still many people in the Niu family with his father. The father did not do anything bad. They just played mahjong and chatted together. What hindered the mother! However, the mother did not think so, nor did the housewives think so, even the Li cadre, Li Jie, did not think so. As long as the father — a man with a wife — is with the woman whose husband died, it is adultery. A man already has a wife and children, why do they always go to a widow's house! Will this be a good thing?
I don't know how my father dealt with it at the time. I only know that my mother broke a lot of things at the Niu family, and then told pedestrians and neighbors in the middle of the road about the scandals of my father and the saucy woman ...
I began to hate this family.
I left the house and went outside to hang out boredom. I felt lonely, and I felt that I had lost everything.
There are two boys on the road joking:
"How did your mother give you birth?"
"do not know."
"I don't know, it's wonderful, you never asked your mother!"
"How about you, your mother told you!"
"My mother! She won't. I only know that my father gave birth to me, I didn't love me, and my birth gave birth to me ..."
"Haha ..."
"what……"
I felt dizzy, and I reluctantly walked forward.
The children in the alley are fighting again.
The two roosters faced each other again on the concrete floor. The feathers erected between the necks were like a chain of chains. Two roosters wearing such chains were fighting fiercely.
The cocks that have exhausted each other, although they are bloody, but still under the command of the children, in the shouting and laughing, regardless of life and death!
What a stupid cock!
Why should you kill each other under the auspices of others!
If the rooster is ignorant and stupid, as long as it is teased by others, there will be a needless duel of life and death, then people are wise and intelligent, why would they fight for life and death, not giving each other! Can anyone answer this question for me?
I no longer want to watch cockfighting.
I swear I will never go to see that indifferent life and death fight.
I left those children silently, but where can I go? Go home? I saw the scene of my parents' quarrel being more uncomfortable than watching this cockfight. Don't go home, then where is the peace?
5
It was March 28, 1958, and I will never forget this day.
That morning, at five o'clock, the sky gradually became white. I have been awake, and for a long time, I have started to lose sleep.
This morning I heard the sound of my father getting up and dressing, and then I heard him take the door with him when he left. He walked away from work as usual and did not speak to us; nor did I "goodbye" to him. After he left, I slept for more than an hour.
If I said that since then, I have never seen my father again, you will be surprised! Actually, not only did I never see him again, but since then I have not heard from him, or any information about him.
I don't know what happened to him, where did he go? I seemed to feel a sudden split in the ground and swallowed my father; even my mother didn't tell us.
For the first two nights, I was not surprised at all, because my father often worked night shifts at work. He said that he had a lot to do. In the first week or two, I was not too surprised. It was common for my father to go to a business trip for a meeting.
One week, two weeks, one month passed, my father never came back, he never came back.
Dawn is vast. The prosperous Shanghai Beach is silent, and the entire city is still asleep, and there are shadows on the streets. I could hear the dewdrops dripping from the dense, misty sleepy sycamore trees, and the jingle of the trams echoed one after another.
The remnant star began to close his tired eyes and gradually retired, slowly disappearing.
My mother took my brother and I on the tram with rails, and curled up in the corner of the tram in a humid night.
The mother made this decision only after receiving a phone call from her father ’s unit yesterday afternoon: to visit her husband at Tilanqiao Prison and give him some clothing supplies.
Last night, my mother finally told us that my father was caught as a bad guy.
The younger brothers and sisters are not sensible, only the elder brother understands that we will lose our father forever. But my brother and I could only cry with a headache on our backs, because our mother would not allow us to mention my father again. She said: "He is deserving of sin, I do not recognize him as my husband, nor do you admit that he is your father, never recognize him, otherwise, I will kill you!"
What's wrong with my father! My brother and I couldn't think of it, but my father was really taken away.
My brother told me that his father's charge was "rightist", and another charge was to cover counter-revolutionary elements, that is, the person named Niu Benhua.
My brother told me that in addition to these two crimes, my father also called "degeneration" and "life corruption". My father had an improper relationship with the woman Niu Shouhua.
His father was expelled from the party and all positions within and outside the party were removed.
I do n’t understand whether my father committed these sins, and I do n’t understand. I only know that I need a father. I ca n’t be without a father. Like all children, there is a father.
Why must mothers and fathers get to this point! Perhaps, my mother regretted something, she seemed to feel something, and seemed to realize something. Otherwise, why did she suddenly decide to visit her father in prison!
A cold wind blew, and the sycamore mourned mournfully.
In this mourning, the mother was stunned. The prison caretaker informed his mother: "Your husband has been sent to the railway station half an hour ago. He will be sent to the Baimaoling farm in Anhui. Perhaps, if you go to the railway station, you can meet ..."
My mother dragged me and my brother and rushed to the North Railway Station in a frenzy. A train panted a few times through the railing of the intersection, struggling to start.
We heard the whistle of the whistle still ringing my heart to this day, which is so sad and chilling.
The mother's two hands clasped the railing of the railroad tightly, the green muscles were violent and shaking, and I clearly remembered the twisted purple-black veins hidden under the wax-yellow complexion, which was terrible.
When we got home, my mother cried for several days.
A few days later, my mother received the court judgment No. 1051, which clearly stated:
...
It is true that the investigation of the defendant ’s feelings is general, and the defendant also agreed to a divorce. This court may permit the defendant ’s clothes to belong to the defendant and four children to be brought up by the plaintiff. According to Articles 17 and 18 of the Marriage Law of the People's Republic of China, the judgment is as follows:
1. The plaintiff and defendant are allowed to divorce.
2. The four children born on both sides shall be brought up by the plaintiff.
3. One raincoat, one blue cloth people's suit, two shirts, and a fleece cap belong to the defendant.
...
The parents are divorced.
The father left the family with anxiety.
Father also left a divorce application in his drawer ...
The father, as the plaintiff, complained again and again and asked for divorce. As a result, he was rejected time and time again; now, the father lost everything and his wish—the desire to ask for divorce—was fulfilled in a short time However, he is no longer a plaintiff, but a defendant.
Father, my poor father, where are you now? Is it in Anhui? Where is Anhui?
Brother took out a crumpled map of China and pointed to a spot with ink and said to me:
"Well, this is Anhui!"
There were tears in my brother's eyes.
Anhui! For the first time, I felt that there is such a sad place in beautiful China.
