Free Yourself Mr. Portland

Free Yourself

Unforgettable Boyhood

This is the first "Unforgettable Boyhood" in my autobiographical novel "Free Yourself". I used the method of dissecting myself to describe China's suffering experience from the 1950s to the early 1960s. Only by knowing myself can I liberate myself. I will never return to my childhood, but my memories will never be forgotten.

Some people live, but die again; some people die, but live again.

Some people are crazy, but not crazy; some people are not crazy, but crazy.

                                                                                 

——Author message

Preface

Free yourself

Mr. Portland

Written in Shanghai in May 2020

1

When you accidentally see the text I wrote, maybe you don't care. These texts are like grass and mustard in the wild. No matter how the wind and rain and the trample will not get sympathy and pity, let alone someone will praise. In this world, you know, people praise only the gods in the sky, and awe in the hell under the hell. If there is anyone in the world who can be praised, it is the emperor's prime minister, elite scholars, heroic models, as well as talented talents, Internet celebrities, and even the famous tycoons and celebrities. Don't give me a definition first, think of me as an idiot or rogue.

Some people see you as heaven. You created everything in the universe, the sun, the moon, the stars, and the world. You gave life to humans, animals, and plants, and even determined the life and death of everything. People say that blessings are in heaven, and ascension will give you eternal life.

Since you are the master of everything and you have created life, why have you created so many viruses and bacteria that so many poultry, livestock and humans die of inexplicable infections? In my opinion, you are a plague who descended from the sky. You have instigated the plagues to wreak havoc on the whole world. The society has become disordered, the belief has become nothing, and the spirit has become fragile. Humans began to be lost and dazed in panic. Faced with the possibility of death approaching at any time, like everyone, I should reflect on the meaning of life in not much time in life.

I do n’t know yet, where do I come from? Where will I go?

Can you tell me? Where are you from? Where do you want to go?

You let all people look up or kneel at you, you are the red sun that never sets, you are the God who brings the gospel of humanity and all things. You are the great savior full of love, you are the creator who saves life and soul. However, why don't you give us ordinary people equal and free rights, the so-called history of human civilization only belongs to the dignitaries and those false lies.

I ’m not talking crazy, please God to open my eyes and look at the buildings of outstanding universal value in the world cultural heritage. Experts and scholars look at the form, identity and status of these buildings, or groups of buildings from a historical, artistic or scientific perspective; others also look at it from a historical, aesthetic, ethnographic or anthropological point of view. Man-made projects with outstanding and universal value or common masterpieces of man and nature and archaeological sites. As of July 2019, China has 55 World Cultural and Natural Heritage listed in the "World Heritage List", including 37 World Cultural Heritage, 4 World Cultural and Natural Dual Heritages, and 14 World Natural Heritage, in the World Heritage List The country ranked first (55 items).

China ’s cultural heritage includes the Great Wall, Mogao Grottoes, the Ming and Qing Palaces, the Royal Tombs of the Ming and Qing Dynasties, the Temple of Heaven, the Summer Palace, the Mausoleum of the Qin Shihuang and the Terracotta Army, the Potala Palace, and Chengde Mountain Resort ... What you see is glory and immortality What I saw was the extravagance and shamelessness of the emperors, the blood and tears and pain of the people.

You can praise the Memphis of Egypt and its cemetery pyramids, the princely square of Isfahan in Iran, the ancient city of Assyria in Iraq, the Taj Mahal in India, the Angkor Wat in Cambodia ... The blood and tears and pain of the slaves.

From the Temple of Apollo Epicurus and the Acropolis of Athens in Pasay, Greece, to the Savoie Palace in Italy and the Roman villas in Casal; from the Würzburg Palace, court gardens and squares in Germany to Versailles in France Palace and its garden. Which building complex is not built on the backbone of the people?

Even in modern times, the Statue of Liberty in the United States, the Auschwitz concentration camp in Poland, and the Hiroshima Peace Memorial Park (original explosion site) in Japan, what can you tell me?

The cultural heritage left by the rulers and dignitaries highlights their former glory and glory, but history will never engrave the names of any slave craftsmen on a brick. For example, the Chinese would sing praises to the Great Wall, which is to celebrate the unification of China by Emperor Qin Shihuang, and his authoritarian dictatorship has become the law of a powerful country that will never fail.

Can you tell me why the polarization between the rich and the poor is never eliminated?

God, you should give humanity a clear answer.

This is my heavenly question, and also the accountability to heaven.

2

There are countless religious beliefs in the world. This is the awe and worship of God. I am like all beings, I believe in the existence of God, I changed the original atheism, but I do not know God, Buddha, Allah, who will bless me and God bless the same vulnerable group as me?

My Lord, you are in my heart. I want to talk to you, and I honestly say to you: I am going to do an arduous job that has no precedent and no one will imitate in the future. I want to expose my true face to the world through writing. But I ’m not writing a personal biography. I do n’t want to blame my dissatisfaction on those who hurt me, and scold those who are ignorant and stupid. Obviously I can only hide their real names. Of course, I'm not writing novels. Imagine people I haven't contacted. All I write is me. Perhaps, I am going to write a biographical novel.

When I was young, I read Rousseau's "Confessions." This book was completed intermittently by Rousseau's life in exile. Since then, he has lived in loneliness and misfortune for nearly eight years, and continues to write the sequel of this autobiography "Dream of a Lone Walker".

"Confessions" is the product of Rousseau's tragic old age. If you want to cite the most important and even the only content of his unfortunate years, it is this book mixed with bitterness.

In history, there are so many innumerable autobiographical works. Writing an autobiography is always in his old age, generally when he has achieved fame and worries have passed, but for Rousseau, what kind of old age he wrote his autobiography is!

In 1762, when Rousseau was fifty years old, a book dealer who had published his work suggested that he write an autobiography. But Rousseau did not accept this suggestion, obviously because the autobiography would involve some people and things at the time, and Rousseau was unwilling to do so. The situation changed after his "Amy" was published. Dali Court ordered the burning of this work that angered the feudal ruling class and wanted to arrest the author. Since then, he has been treated as a "madman" or "barbarian". In the pursuit of persecution, he began a life of escape. He fled to Switzerland, and the Swiss authorities ordered his book to be burned. He fled to Moria, the territory of Prussia. The church issued a statement proclaiming that he was an enemy of God. He could not continue to stay and went into exile on St. Peter's Island. For him, the official verdict and the condemnation of the church were already harsh enough, and a heavier blow came again: in 1765, a booklet titled "Emotions of Citizens" appeared. Has attacked his personal life and character. It is sad that this attack did not come from the enemy's barracks, but was obviously done by friendly forces. Rousseau saw that he was in danger of being darkened and became an immortal sinner, and felt an urgent need to defend himself. So in this year, when he was in exile in Motia, he began to write about him with grief and indignation. 'S autobiography. "Liu Hai Lu" is the result of such a fierce conflict between radical civilian thinkers and reactionary rule. It is a work of civilian intellectuals defending their human rights and dignity not only as a person but more importantly as an ordinary person in the face of feudal autocratic oppression. It is a counterattack against the persecution and slander of the ruling class.

"Liu Hailu" makes me feel that the book is full of civilian self-confidence, self-esteem and pride, in short, a high civilian spirit.

Autobiography is a common application style in applied writing. Ancient Chinese elites Sima Qian, Wang Chong, Jiang Yan or Tao Yuanming have all written autobiography. There were few autobiographical literatures in ancient and middle ages, and it was not until the 15th century that this form began to appear. I read Gorky's autobiographical trilogy when I was young: "Childhood", "In the World", "My University". Also read "Lu Xun's Autobiography".

I have loved reading since I was young, and I have more or less been in contact with many celebrity biographies. Some of them are recommended by the school, such as "Lei Feng's Story", and heroic stories about Huang Jiguang, Qiu Shaoyun, Liu Hulan, and Jiao Yulu. Others read it when they were interested in a celebrity. Such as the famous autobiography: "Franklin's Autobiography", "If I Give Three Days of Light", "My First Half of Life", "Gandhi's Autobiography", "Darwin's Autobiography", "My Struggle", "Agatha Christie's Autobiography" and "Mark Twain's Autobiography "Henry Ford's Autobiography", "Forty Stories", "Shen Congwen's Autobiography", "Zhang Zhongmou's Autobiography" and Xiao Hong's "Life and Death".

You should understand: Chinese literati pay more attention to morality and ethics. Whether autobiography completely represents "true" and "correct" is a big question. In order to beautify yourself, there are usually a lot of "imagination" and "fiction" components. In ancient China, the autobiography mainly based on "family style" and "world virtue" was all about praising merits, loyalty and patriotism. Most of the time, when I read the autobiography of these celebrities, I feel very inspirational. I feel that the life stories of these celebrities are too good. After closing the book, there is no longer any imagination.

Because, when I was old, I gradually discovered that the stories in the autobiography of celebrities might be fake, but I thought it was true. Sometimes alternative choices are made, and it is better to read celebrities' autobiographies than to look directly at the fictional novels.

Of course, I can't conclude that those celebrities deliberately faked and fooled the public in order to beautify themselves, but because of the inherent defects of the human brain system.

Everyone has memories, but memories have three characteristics:

First, people can remember the general plot of an event, but they can't remember the details about it.

Second, if people have to recall the details of the past, they can only compile one. Even if they are very sincere and try very hard to recall the exact details, they will inadvertently fabricate the facts to fill in the missing details.

Third, people will always believe in their fabricated memories.

In the political movements in China, any official, soldier, or public official must write a self-report, that is, an autobiography, especially to explain his own historical issues. How many of these autobiographies are true and false elements? With the changes in the political movement, some major political criminals began to write memoirs after they were released from prison, especially when they chose to publish overseas. The second and third generations of Red also began to write the stories of their predecessors. Besides credit, who can see the mistakes that these people have written about their parents?

I said this, you may not be happy. How can I argue with you? I just remind myself to be mindful when reading biographies, especially personal autobiography. Many personal biographies are intentionally or unintentionally filled with fabricated lies.

3

Someone told me that reading a biography of a character is worse than reading a novel, because the novelist tells us that the story he wrote is fake, in fact, how can they have such a superb imagination? In fact, they often "borrow" other people's real life stories. It is because they tell us that this story is false, so they will tell you the most incredible and true stories unscrupulously. On the contrary, a true biography may be more false, and it seems that a false novel is more true.

In China today, job seekers need to attach an autobiography to their resume. Those autobiographies will only set themselves high, and will never speak frankly about their shortcomings and faults.

After the world enters commercialization, the merchants have thrown out shocking biographies, describing themselves as incomparable business gods.

In the nineteenth century, memoirs became a sort of gimmick for publishers. An untrustworthy autobiography came from the hand of an African-American. He claimed to be a white man and described his experience of pretending to be a Native American in years. This book is "The Life and Adventures of James P. Beckwourth, Moutaineer, Scout and Pioneer, and Chief" of the Crow Nation of Indians). This is a hobo story, and it was extremely popular as soon as it was published in 1856.

With the development of American autobiography, it is clear that the words "autobiography", "memoir" and "personal narrative" on the cover of the book have nothing to do with the authenticity of the content in the book. Indeed, it is not uncommon for someone to impersonate and publish an autobiography. P.T. Barnum ’s incredible achievements are also built on the edge of deception. Barnum became famous in 1835 when he brought Joyce Heath to the public eye. It is said that Heath is 161 years old and was the nanny of "Dear George Washington Jr." She was present when Washington was born in 1732. A year later, Heath died, and the autopsy report showed that she was only about 80 years old. In 1841, Barnum published a series of extremely bizarre first-person columnar articles in the newspaper under the pseudonym "Barnaby Diderham." One of them tells how he bought the old black woman "Aunt Joyce" and took out her teeth in order to make her look older. These stories also appeared in Barnum ’s autobiography, which was published in 1854 and reprinted every year before his death in 1890. Barnum ’s other stories were obviously whimsical, but readers at that time could not tell the truth.

In a world where human nature is distorted and the truth is always covered, when the new coronavirus spreads around the world, news, diaries, and memoirs also have false infections that damage the authenticity. The temptation to make up false documentary memories, to present positive energy effects, to tell a good story, or to exaggerate for gratitude has always existed. Autobiography needs authenticity and credibility. If memoirs lack these qualities, how can people believe it, and why even read it?

4

What can we do when we are old? Can you tell me?

Live in the moment, health first. At the time of the pandemic, almost everyone agreed. Only politicians, elites, and big players are still arguing with enthusiasm and planning the future of the future. The important task right now is to dump the pot, and no one wants to take responsibility for the great fault. They will not hold Heaven accountable, and they do not believe that God is doing evil.

The people who do not dump the pot are actually hundreds of millions of grass people. Their eyes are still staring at the pot. The people take food as the sky. The people are worried that there is still food in their pot that can fill their stomachs. Their wish is to pray for God's blessing, the grains are abundant, and the weather is good.

Like the civilians in "Confessions", I have the confidence and pride of civilians. I am convinced that under my "clothes", there are more "soul" and "strength" than under "Tingchen's embroidered gold clothes".

In my opinion, this is indeed the case. In a society full of vanity, Rousseau dared to publicly express his affection for the lower classes and the civilians, not to be ashamed of his "lowly" background, not to be ashamed of his poor past, and to declare that it was his happy age. He regards simplicity and nature as the most precious wealth in his poor and cheap life. He proudly displays the healthy and shiny things in his life that are not for the life of the noble, as well as what he has gained and obtained in the poor and cheap life. The kind of spiritual and moral integrity maintained.

You may ask, what do I want to do?

I am a writer, I can only use my pen to express my ideals. My ideal is the same as that of hundreds of millions of grass-roots people, just to live well.

I am that kind of person. I know my heart deeply and I understand the lives of ordinary people. But I was born to be different from anyone I have seen, and I have my own unique and different view of the world. Although my life is not better than others, at least my thinking is different from them. From this, I want to write a real, living "me". This I, should be the true appearance of myself in life, not separated from the true self in life.

The hardest thing in life is knowing yourself. Maybe you have to ask, can I still not know myself? actually not. Each of us is shaping ourselves from birth to growth, and every step we walk through every day. With the change of society, the turmoil of the country, the fission of the nation, the difference of religion, the intervention of politics, the change of the world environment, the world view, values ​​and life view of human beings are changing. Like hope, my own understanding of the self has gradually diverged. The truth, goodness, beauty and false ugliness in human nature are mixed together.

I am old. Sometimes the process of writing an autobiography is a process of finding and discovering myself. I want to follow a line to recover the lost self. I want to re-examine the path I have traveled. Belief is analyzed, and eventually you really know yourself.

So, how can I express myself truly and vividly in my autobiographical article? I have to ask myself again: Who am I? What kind of person am I? What is my character? What do I like and dislike? What is my ideal? What do I hope for my future? Why do I have the above hobbies and ideas? In my growing up, who has a greater influence on me? What things left a deep impression on me?

… I asked it this way, made a record, and sorted it out, maybe a more specific autobiographical long article came out. Because I am writing myself, there is no shortage of materials and understanding.

But my experience and face is harsh real life, some people ca n’t write, do n’t dare to write, do n’t want to write, there is no need to write such an autobiography for their own existence under the circumstances of being enemies from all sides, then, novel creation The charm of can relieve this depression and worry. Can better mix his grief and anger.

5

I am a small person, but I am more noble, pure, honest and natural than those of Mr. adults and gentlemen. I wrote what I did, what I thought, I was that kind of person. My experience, my cognition, can show a civilian world in my autobiographical novels. This is a true record of Chinese society in the middle and late 20th century and early 21st century. I will bring a variety of civilian images to me Works.

I will let you know the spiritual status, moral level, hobbies and interests, aspirations and pursuits of China's lower levels. I am committed to discovering all the valuable things in the spiritual realm of civilians: natural and simple human nature, commendable moral sentiments, excellent ingenuity and healthy interest in life, etc. The civilian family can also exude a fresh breath during that turbulent social catastrophe, so that my civilian friends and I have always kept a good memory. Of course, I will not conceal my disgust and contempt. The dignitaries and various figures in the high society I have met, as well as the moral loss, temperament and hypocrisy of the society. In my eyes, the world of civilians is far more noble and superior than upper-class societies.

Why did I meet many nasty or numb people when I was young, and when I was older, there were so few good people who had ideals and pursuits? Are good people extinct? No, there are always outstanding people among the poor. The evildoers are mostly hidden among the elites.

Thank you for viewing these texts. I took things that I thought were true seriously, but I never said that what I knew was false was true. What kind of person I am, what kind of person I write. My heart will be fully exposed. God knows what you did. You will see how I face the injustice of life and how I re-know myself.

I used to be a child in the city. My life was basically spent in Shanghai, the magic capital. After all, children are children, they cannot live independently, nor can they get rid of their dependence on life. Because they live in different years, different families, and different social environments, they will inevitably have different life experiences. Some people are happy, some people are ups and downs, sweet and sour bitterness mixed the fate of each different character.

I used to be a miserable child who lived a rough life. With blood and tears, I wrote about the unfortunate experiences of my childhood, which might make you feel heavy and bitter. Because of the sun shining on the earth, the time it shines on me is too short!

I once wrote my autobiographical novels from children to teenagers. "Dead Alive and Mad" is the first one. The publication of this novel has at least one advantage, so that children and children living in a peaceful environment today know that although the sun has a large radiation surface, there will be places where it cannot shine. Some families will experience unsatisfactory, some children will still suffer, and tragedy will occur in real life. It is impossible for life to be without wind and waves, or without hardship.

The famous writer Zheng Ma wrote a passage for my "Dead, Alive and Crazy": "Writing children's literature on such a theme is rare before the Third Plenary Session of the 11th Central Committee of the Party. For a long time, children ’s literature in China has been disturbed by the 'Left' thoughts, and some forbidden areas have been artificially set up. The authors only dare to write joy, but not to worry about it. What is the harm of understanding the social morbidity? This can at least enlighten the children to think and understand the society, so as not to see some undesirable phenomena and feel at a loss, be pessimistic and disappointed when they encounter difficulties! Increase their immunity and resistance It should always be. "

I feel after thinking first, this is the common destiny of mankind. I realize this better than those big-mouthed publics and elites. Because I don't have to speak falsely. Those who slogan "liberate all mankind" with slogans will eventually lose credibility. I have also shouted the slogan of "liberating all mankind", but I have my own reflection. The key to "liberating all mankind" is to learn to know and liberate myself. How can a person who cannot liberate himself, "liberate all mankind" "? A person who can liberate himself must first liberate his thoughts and dare to tell the truth to the people.

My view of life:

Know yourself, where do I come from? Different parents, families, nations, and countries determine the starting point and destination of your life.

Understand yourself, to understand where I am going? Different ethnic groups, communities, schools, and positions affect your social circle and future.

Free yourself, to understand what I can do? Different genes, IQ, health, and thoughts have affected your potential obstacles and development.

Liberate yourself, to understand who is my life and death? Different classes, beliefs, desires, and behaviors constrain your freedom and choice of love and hate.

I started to rewrite autobiographical novels, my wife and daughter, and family members, they may not read my graffiti text, but I store these texts on the Internet, some people will always pay attention, at least you have read these texts . Thank you for your trust, I hope you are ordinary civilians, because I wrote stories about civilians.