1
Since his father was labeled as a "rightist", the Chinese god has made our family leave this small road and this cathedral. The whole family fell into the predicament of life.
Soon, I discovered that after losing my father, we also lost everything at the same time.
Our situation is terrible. Our original Gaolan Road villa house has been moved into other people's houses. Our family was driven to an old-style alley next to a small vegetable farm near Julu Road near Chengdu South Road A ten-square-meter West Room.
The west-facing window accommodates the scorching heat in the summer and kneads it together with us. In winter, the cold wind threw the cold into the whole house again. The cold summer and the cold winter alternated from the west-facing window, using an invisible whip to whip our body and soul.
All the property in the family is left with a bed and a table, as well as two benches. Apart from the mother, all four of our siblings sleep on the floor, whether it is winter or summer.
My mother seems to have found her situation and started to panic, taking her four children without clothes and food, and having no work, what to use to maintain the family's life for a long time!
That year, my mother was 38 years old, my brother was 14 years old, I was 8 years old, my sister was 6 years old, and my younger brother was only 4 years old.
The mother had no work but had to feed herself and her four children. Faced with this dilemma, she did not know what to do or who to ask for help.
The life of bare buttocks made her look back and forth, and she really felt helpless, melancholy, depressed, and depressed.
This is how I started another life.
2
I wandered alone on the Huangpu River.
I leaned on the cracked concrete railing and stared at the dense mast on the Huangpu River and the cruise ship in the distance...
Years and months, I love to play by the Huangpu River, weaving colorful urban dreams with my innocent childishness. In my childhood, I did not have the troubles of autumn and the worries of winter. I went to the Huangpu River to play, only the joy of spring and the playfulness of summer. Huangpu River was a paradise for my childhood.
However, all this is now gone.
The endless quarrels of my parents and the final rupture made me lose confidence in my life, even though I was still a child, a child who had just broken away from childhood and started to enter his youth. But I feel that life is unpredictable. My pursuit and yearning for life are all shattered and shattered.
My body, my soul, was distorted by an invisible great force.
I hate that my mother should not quarrel with her father and should not listen to that sister Li. In order to show the complete break between women in the new era and what they thought to be evil forces, the mother foolishly listened to the plan designed by Sister Li and divorced her father; and the four of our brothers and sisters became the mother’s after defeating her father in court Loot. Is it worth it?
The mother thought that the harsh revenge she had taken was a punishment to her father; but she did not expect that this punishment finally fell on herself!
Since my father was kicked out of the family and the city that once filled him with happiness and fantasy, my mother and a few of our children were also driven out of the spacious house with beautiful balconies. In the large garden of about 200 square meters, I went to catch butterflies and crickets, and I couldn't even hear the birds there.
I still remember that every summer, the garden is covered with shaggy grass, and many unknown wildflowers are dazzling like stars.
My brother knew better than me, he told me: white is dandelion, yellow is wild chrysanthemum, and green is foxtail. Sometimes he pointed to the flowers and butterflies dancing among the flowers and said to me: "Butterflies are afraid of loneliness, so they always like to live in pairs."
When the weather is hot, cicadas will beep long and short. When the weather is going to rain, beautiful dragonflies will hover over the head.
The elder brother said that dragonflies are the lice on the dragon. When the dragon shook the body, the dragonflies shook down from the sky. So, my brother and I took off our coats, flapping dragonflies and flapping the dragon's lice.
Sometimes, we fly kites in this charming garden, and my brother will fly a variety of kites, butterfly type, dragonfly type, centipede type... The longer our line is, the longer the children we follow will be. More and more.
Our ideals for taking off are displayed in the Lang Lang sky, and our hearts will fly to the sky of the sky at the same time...
now what? Everything is lost, I can no longer find the traces of childhood joy, that garden, that butterfly, that dragonfly, that wonderful dream, belongs to others.
After we were driven out of the bungalow and the garden, Sister Li stopped coming to our house. Although we lost our financial resources, all our mouths were open to wait for food, but she still didn’t come because Her responsibilities seemed to be only to protect the women's rights that were overwhelmed by the husband's power, and she didn't have to worry about the fate of the woman after her husband's bondage.
She left our house and stepped into another house, repeating her obligations.
Huangpu River once gave me childhood dreams, sweet and bitter...
Huangpu River also gave my mother a dream, bitter and sweet, but now it is bitter and astringent. In this dream, she lost her husband again, and she returned to the time of earning a few dollars by washing clothes to make a living; the difference is that there are more people waiting for her to work to exchange money.
Mother is both pitiful and sad.
3
Me, shrimp generally lumped down, sitting quietly in the corner of Nongtangkou, desperately narrowing their occupied space.
Despite the spring sunshine that splashed on people, it was so warm, but I was still wearing the black, quilted cotton jacket that was as hard as charcoal.
I kept shaking, and I couldn't feel a trace of warmth.
I have been ill for several days, but there is no money for me to get medicine at home. I couldn't stay in the room again, only curled up in this corner temporarily. With my dry eyes, watching the pedestrians, those wearing red dresses and green shirts, those eating chocolate and ice cream. My hair is yellow, sparse and scattered, and my consciousness changes in a trance.
There are those who talk and laugh, some who jump, some who make noises, some who sing sing...the eyes are full of people.
Where did so many people come from?
When I was a child, my father said that people came from monkeys. Later, my father told me that humans evolved from great apes through labor.
However, the thing that left me the deepest memory was another saying from my father, that is, Nu Wa who made of yellow clay.
According to legend, after Pangu broke ground, although there were mountains and rivers and plants and birds and animals on the earth, there were no humans. What about flowers? Self-opening. What about birds? Self-destructive. The world is very lonely.
At this time, the great goddess Nuwa came. She is supernatural and omnipotent, but in this deserted land she feels very lonely and always feels that she should add something to this world. So she came to the side of the Yellow River, dug some loess, mixed it with the Yellow River water, and made a little clay figure according to her reflection in the water, and put it on the ground, ha, a miracle appeared! I saw this little thing actually alive, walking, jumping, singing songs. This is the first person created by Nu Wa.
Nu Wa made one person after another, with men and women, with a voice. They walked alone or in groups, to all corners of the world.
This great goddess no longer feels lonely anymore, because a living person is born in her hand at any time, you can hear the laughter of people at any time, and you can see the children you have created at any time. She desperately made people and filled the earth with these flexible and lovely little lives.
However, people are going to die when they are old, how troublesome it is to make a batch of them! How to do it? She came up with a brilliant idea: combine men and women and let them bear offspring. In this way, human beings will be handed down from generation to generation, and will never cease.
However, somehow, when I hunched like a shrimp and curled up in this alley, I thought that Nuwa was a superfluous thing to make people, at least I shouldn't make me such a superfluous person in the world.
4
Suddenly, in the sun, a little boy stood in front of me-Qiao Lin, Qiao Lin!
"Let's be friends!"
I stared closely at his thin face, and then slowly moved my eyes to the tip of my nose. My eyes were dull and cloudy.
Qiao Lin reached out and said to me.
Qiao Lin broke up with me because he was the son of a counter-revolutionary, and I was the son of a revolutionary cadre.
Now he asked to be friends with me again, why?
Perhaps he thinks that my son, a rightist, is already of the same kind as the son of a counter-revolutionary.
If it was only because of this that he was connected to me, I felt that it was intolerable, miserable, and my heart trembled suddenly.
I didn't say a word to Qiao Lin, nor did I know what I should say to him.
I have already felt that I am a lonely and redundant person in the world and was thrown into a corner of society, and Qiao Lin is also such a person. He was even thrown into this corner even earlier than me.
Is it lonely because of excess, or is it redundant because of loneliness?
Redundancy is the most feared thing in the world.
Loneliness makes me unable to bear anymore.
As human beings, we also need others to understand, sympathize and help!
In this lonely corner, although no one came to take care of us, then, can he and I still get rid of loneliness by relying on each other!
Sunshine cast two thin and slender black shadows on the earth, and that was Jolin and me.
Such a shadow contains two lively hearts of him and me, the two hearts are connected, no longer lonely and lonely.
5
In my boyhood, I spent a long time with Qiao Lin.
Qiao Lin has a smart, beautiful face. He looked very polite when he smiled, but in fact always showed a cunning look. He was the same age as me, but he was a head taller than me, because I was too short, and he was too tall.
When my family changed, the emergence of Qiao Lin accelerated my maturity and made me start to think about society and life.
When I was with Qiao Lin, the most talked about was the memories of my parents.
Qiao Lin said that when the parents were in their hometown in Yancheng, the medical staff of the New Fourth Army Military Medical Department received an order to move northward to Yanan. A female soldier had just given birth to a daughter. She left her daughter and entrusted her parents to adopt it. The daughter left by the female soldier is his current sister Qiao Yang. Because the female soldier surnamed Yang. But they have never been able to find Qiao Yang's biological mother.
Qiao Lin was born in Shanghai at the time of liberation, when his parents worked in Shanghai, and Qiao Lin was born when Shanghai was liberated. In the early 1950s, Shanghai was full of corpses. Shanghai has launched a "cleaning campaign" and a "patriotic hygiene campaign". Qiao Lin's father is a cleaner, and his daily task is to clean up the dead bodies on the street. Qiao Lin's mother is also a party cadre responsible for the "Patriotic Health Movement" in the streets.
A vigorous crackdown on the counter-revolutionary movement started throughout the country. Unexpectedly, the unexpected disaster came. Qiao Lin's grandfather was suddenly classified as a landlord, and his grandfather was killed alive. The grandmother refused to accept the complaint and said that her son had adopted a girl from the New Fourth Army. The girl now lives in Shanghai with her son. The organization sent people to Shanghai to find Qiao Lin's parents and asked for the adoption certificate. Qiao Lin's parents could not produce a certificate for adopting the girls of the New Fourth Army, nor could they find a witness. As a result of her mother's confrontation, she was accused of impersonating revolutionary history. Not only was she expelled from the party, she was removed from her post, but she was also forced to repatriate to her hometown in Yancheng. Qiao Lin said angrily: My father and sister were coerced and forced to expose their mother's remarks. My mother was beaten into a counter-revolution, and my father was forced to divorce his mother under the organization's admonishment. The father was allowed to stay in Shanghai with his sister Qiao Yang. Qiao Lin left the home in Shanghai with his mother.
I remember very clearly, that is, the accident, Qiao Lin broke up with me.
Qiao Lin said painfully: My mother has always hoped that when I grow up, I will find the female soldier of the New Fourth Army to discuss the innocence.
Qiao Lin and I were sitting on the steps in front of the Orthodox Cathedral on Gaolan Road. There are too many childhood memories here. We also talk about the legends of ghosts and gods.
Qiao Lin said that his father did not believe in ghosts and spirits, and his job was to collect the corpses. At that time, the whole country also promoted atheism, educating the public to get rid of superstition.
6
Qiao Lin looked at the onion roof of the Orthodox Cathedral, his eyes filled with confusion. He told me that his father died a few days ago.
This is the case.
Not long ago, Qiao Lin’s father had a dream. He dreamed that his dead father told him that he had a good graveyard in his hometown. Qiao Lin's father did not believe in ghosts and spirits, and was careless about this dream. But the next day, he received a letter from Aunt Qiao Lin. After reading the letter, he was shocked and his mother died suddenly.
Qiao Lin's father left Shanghai in a hurry and rushed to the countryside of Yancheng.
Qiao Lin's father told his sister about the dream of his dead father. Aunt said, this is a dream of the gods. Aunt invited a couple of Mr. Feng Shui who claimed to be "ghosts and ghosts". The two "Feng Shui guys" took their aunts around the riverside house for a few rounds, and then designated a piece of land. Here, the descendants of the shade, the blessings are boundless." The burial ceremony was also explained to Qiao Lin's father in this way.
Qiao Lin's father was puzzled after listening. But the aunt forced him to cry and noisy: Mother is gone, don't you still have a filial piety?
Qiao Lin's father had to start preparing. According to Mr. Fengshui's explanation, he first went to the newly excavated tomb to burn paper money to warm the cave. The tomb was nine feet deep. He carefully supported the wall of the cave and moved it step by step, feeling a little nervous. Unexpectedly, after igniting the paper money, there was a lack of oxygen, and the smoke was billowing, and the heat was choking his nose. The walls of the tomb were dim, and an eerie terror began to strike him. He dared to disperse the smoke, and he was already sweating.
Qiao Lin's father worked as a corpse collector in Shanghai. He has seen countless corpses and never had fear. But this time, it was necessary to move the "gold cylinder" containing the mother's ashes to the left and right together with the father's ashes. He was nervous and frightened, making him panic.
At the command of Mr. Feng Shui, he must also kill a pig in the tomb and bleed the dead bones.
My father grabbed the pig's legs with both hands, but his hands tremble, how can I catch them? As a result, the pigs were killed after others went to help. After killing the pig, he bit his finger again, painted his blood on the "golden cylinder", and drew a circle on the edge of the "golden cylinder".
Qiao Lin said that when his father finished the ritual and climbed to the tomb, he was faceless and was sweating so cold that he couldn't stand.
After the aunt helped his father to go home, the father began to be mentally ill, running wildly, smashing things when he saw them, and tearing them when he saw a piece of paper. He took an iron harrow and smashed the glass frame with the image of the leader, and wounded those who came to stop him.
In this way, the village committee brought a group of people, and his father became a current counter-revolutionary, and later died in prison.
Qiao Lin said that the gang not only captured his father, but also destroyed the tomb of his grandparents. The aunt was also detained for propagating feudal superstition and setting up a tomb for the father of the landlord.
When Qiao Lin's father returned to Yancheng, Qiao Lin did not see his father. After his father died, Qiao Lin returned to Shanghai with his mother. He saw the sister who was adopted by his mother. The siblings live with their mother.
When Qiao Lin talked about his father, he always laughed, and the laughter was scared. He also always said to me: "My father is so stupid, if I were, I wouldn't be scared! I just slept in the tomb and didn't sweat a bit. Why should a living person be afraid of death? "
7
Qiao Lin is indeed not afraid of death. He was able to climb quickly to the tall Wutong Village and jump down from above. He was also able to turn over the fence and trot on the fence without falling. Under the influence of Qiao Lin, my courage is getting bigger and bigger.
In summer, the scorching sun melted the asphalt road, and he and I raced barefoot on the road. He said: "Practicing running on the melted asphalt, forcing you to run fast, otherwise your feet will burn off a layer of skin."
In winter, when there was heavy snow outside, Qiao Lin asked me to make a snowman and play a snowball fight. If there is a hail suddenly, the two of us will be more happy. We chased me in hail and rain, hehe he ha ha, no one is afraid of hail smashing his head. People laughed at us as silly boys, and we stood in the hail and laughed at them as cowards.
Sometimes, Jolin took me to the country.
In the countryside, we caught fish and fish. However, the most interesting thing is to hide and seek in the graveyard. We take turns to play ghosts and scare each other, of course, no one will be afraid. Sometimes when you are tired of playing, you just sit on the grave and play cards.
Qiao Lin shuffled while I said:
"Do you know why the four K cards on this playing card are all bearded?"
I shook my head, and Qiao Lin told me: "The K card is the king card, also known as the king card. Since it is a king, of course, it should have a beard. The spade K card is a king of the ancient kingdom of Israel. King David; the King of Hearts card, painted by Charles the Great of France; the King of Squares, painted by Caesar the Great in Rome; the King of Plums, painted by Alexander the Great, king of Macedonia."
"So why are the four Q cards all painted as beautiful women?"
"The Q card is the queen card, and it can also be called the queen card. The queen is painted, can the queen not be beautiful? The Q card of spades, the Greek goddess Athena; the Q card of spades, painted by Lie Ying; The square Q card draws the wife of Athens, La Jie; the plum Q card draws the Queen of France Henry IV. However, the British say that the Q card is all Elizabeth I."
Then, Jolin took out four J cards and pointed to the spade J card and said to me: "This is the knight of Charles the Great. This Jade card is painted by the warrior. The J card is painted by the square. Jeanne of France; the Plum J card is painted by Lian S Luo Xun." It turns out that the J card is a samurai card, no wonder these portraits look very powerful.
"What do you mean by spades, hearts, cubes, plum blossoms?"
"Spades meant "shovel", hearts meant "hearts", squares meant "diamonds", and plums meant "sticks." Qiao Lin said while drawing a big ghost and a little ghost, "These two cards Both refer to'harlequin', so these two cards are painted on the circus harlequin."
After playing cards with Qiao Lin for a long time, I lay on the tomb together and looked at the distant sky. The sky started to change from white to blue, and then from blue to gray, and gradually became completely black, lit like a small lamp. star.
Between the tombs there appeared bright spots that appeared to be faint and faint, and that was when fireflies were patrolling the lanterns. We jumped up and chased the little life with the lamp. There are no ghosts in the world, and we are not afraid of ghosts. On the contrary, Qiao Lin and I really hope that there are ghosts in the world. Isn’t it often said that the wicked will go to hell after death, go up to the knife mountain and go down to the sea of fire, do they still need to sleep on the nail bed and roll the oil pan? If there is a ghost, let the ghost come and rush all the wicked people to hell. We both watched these wicked men suffer one by one in hell. How happy!
