How to reflect on mistakes

 

How to reflect on mistakes

 

There are always people in this world who will use various ways or means to force others to admit their mistakes. So what is a mistake? Is it effective to force others to admit their mistakes? Are people who force others to admit their mistakes making a mistake?

The coachman Adhuo asked Agudenba a special question. Azhuo said: "Dear Mr. Agudengba, you are a wise man. What advice do you have on this?"

Agudengba said to the coachman Azhuo:

Wu Gang wanted to learn Taoism and become an immortal, so he left home for three years to learn Taoism. Boling, the grandson of Emperor Yan, had an affair with Wu Gang's wife Yuanhu while Wu Gang was not at home, and gave birth to three illegitimate children. Emperor Yan did not reprimand his grandson for making mistakes, but instead punished Wu Gang, who did not make mistakes, to go to the moon to cut down the immortal osmanthus tree. In this matter, Emperor Yan, Boling, and Yuan Fu were all at fault. This should be a consensus. But people ignore another reality. Wasn't Wu Gang right? Which woman in the world would want her husband to leave home for three years and abandon the family? Wu Gang wanted to become an immortal, but what was the result? Has he ever reflected on his mistakes?

In fact, many people are obsessed with the mistakes they have made. In fact, the "mistakes" that people recall over and over again may not be called mistakes in the eyes of others. Many people also just blame others for their mistakes.

Many of what we think of as "errors" may not be called errors in the eyes of others. Being too harsh on yourself will only make it easier to be immersed in negative emotions and unable to extricate yourself, and it will be easier to fall into the same pit later.

Agudengba said to the coachman Azhuo:

I don’t know, have you ever had such a moment: when you are eating alone, you suddenly think of bad things from the past; even though everyone is hanging out together, a bad thought always flashes across your mind, and you are even willing to seize this moment. Thoughts, think about it carefully. These are all manifestations of obsessing over mistakes. In psychology, this situation is called excessive rumination, also known as "rumination thinking." The so-called "rumination" means that some mammals eat a lot of grass, accumulate food in the stomach, and return the semi-digested food from the stomach to the mouth for chewing again after a period of time.

Humans also ruminate on past memories. The difference is that animals ruminate for better digestion, but once humans fall into rumination thinking, it is often negative and negative, and the results will only be counterproductive.

When we look back on our mistakes, our intentions are good. We want to be strict with ourselves and improve ourselves. But the real results were not satisfactory. A person's over-immersion in past negative experiences will only subjectively exaggerate the seriousness of an event, and his expectations for the future will be more negative.

The coachman Azhuo nodded and said: You are right. Indeed, the reason why many people hold on to their mistakes and feel guilty and frustrated is because they attribute the mistakes to themselves. This is actually very cruel.

A Zhuo said:

A friend of mine once told me a painful mistake:

He quarreled with his mother, but he didn't expect that this would be the last time he spoke to her. Later, his mother died in a car accident, and the last conversation he said to his mother was "I'm so bored." He told me that it was the worst thing he had ever done in his life, and the price would be regret for the rest of his life.

Another friend also told me something that made him regret his whole life. My friend was only 11 years old at the time.

He said to me: My father lost a lot of hair during chemotherapy. He sat there and asked me to comb his hair with hair restorer. The sun happened to be shining that day, and I wanted to go out and play with my classmates on a sunny day after a long rain, so I ran out of the house impatiently after combing my father's hair for a while. But not long after, I went home. My mother cried and told me that my father suddenly had a convulsion and was dead. The body had just been taken away.

A Zhuo said:

Whether it's an ordinary "I'm so annoyed" or an action of not wanting to comb your hair, they are actually very common little things in life. But this is enough to make my two friends feel guilty for a lifetime and become a lifelong knot for them. Is it cruel to oneself to criticize the past self from the present perspective?

Agudengba said to the coachman Azhuo:

From a psychoanalytic perspective, regretting past mistakes seems to point to the past self, but is essentially an attack on the current self. Want to stay away from rumination. It is a good thing to reflect on yourself, but you cannot ignore that every mistake that occurs is systemic.

We need to accept the kind reminders that every “mistake” gives us. Everyone who is tortured by past mistakes is actually unwilling to admit that what they are struggling with is just a "little" thing. This is actually because when small things are given special meaning by the subconscious mind, we can rationalize the behavior of rumination.

At this time, learning to divert attention is the best way to help get rid of excessive rumination. As the saying goes: "If you don't want grass to grow in the fields, you need to plant crops."

Agudengba sang a "Reflection Song":

 

Everyone makes mistakes sometimes,

Fighting negative thinking is hard;

We can try to change the perspective,

After all, some minor mistakes don't count.

If you bring a problem perspective,

It cannot bring joy back to life.

 

We should take a step back and reflect,

Even if you make a mistake, so what?

No one makes mistakes in life,

It’s okay to make mistakes once in a while.

Make the rest of your life easier,

Use past mistakes as lessons.

 

If you want no grass to grow in the fields,

You need to sow the seeds of love.

When you fall in love with this world,

The seeds of love will blossom and bear fruit.