The groom moves into the bride's home

 

The groom moves into the bride's home

 

When the Burmese musician Dorje was chatting with Agudenba, Azhuo, and Chu Sanxing on the banks of the Irrawaddy River in Myanmar, he talked about things in Mongolia, which mostly involved the politics, military, culture, and education of the Yuan Dynasty. Dawa and Xiang Qima were just observers, with little interest. Dorje's daughter Yadan noticed this. So Yadan said to his father: "Can you tell some stories about Mongolian marriages and customs? Dawa and Xiang Qima will definitely be curious."

Agudengba, Azhuo, and Chu Sanxing laughed and said: We also like to hear it!

Chu Sanxing added: I heard that the Mongolians have a system of matrimonial marriage in which men step in on the door. Mr. Duoji might as well tell some stories about this.

Duoji nodded and said:

China has been a male-centered society since ancient times, and all political and economic activities revolve around male-centeredness. After the Han Dynasty, the Three Cardinal Guidelines and Five Constant Rules of Ethics were emphasized, dividing people into three, six or nine levels, especially women who were always inferior to men.

Based on this concept, the status of a son-in-law with a woman as the main economic subject cannot help but be severely discriminated against and even suppressed, so that he is laughed at and called a masculine woman. In particular, various dynasties and generations have established laws to protect male-centered inheritance of family names and other systems. In this case, the son-in-law has no power at all.

In addition, in ancient China, clans traditionally lived together, and having a son-in-law often meant living together with the woman’s entire extended family. She had to face not only the woman’s parents, brothers and sisters, but also the woman’s entire clan. There will inevitably be various conflicts within the clan. The low-status son-in-law has no say and actually faces tremendous pressure.

Son-in-law marriage is widespread among the Mongolian people, so this form of marriage is relatively accepted for customary reasons. In addition, the Mongolian people are not influenced by Confucius' ethics and pay more attention to practicality, so they are relatively more tolerant of son-in-laws. The Yuan Dynasty was a country established by the grassland peoples, so surrogate marriage was legalized among the Han people.

Mr. Dorje added:

China has long established a male-dominated society, and all social life revolves around men. Women are often reduced to men's vassals, and their roles in politics, economy, ancestor worship, etc. are basically excluded. Women cannot serve as officials and have basically no inheritance rights. Women are not seen in sacrifices. In family life, men are completely respected.

The Chinese marriage system based on this is naturally based on men marrying women. After marriage, a woman's family property is controlled by her husband. However, in addition to the mainstream marriage status of the Han people, there has always been a special form of marriage, which is secondary marriage. Cumulative marriage takes women as the main body. The woman does not marry outside the family, but the man enters the daughter's family and becomes her son-in-law.

This form of secondary marriage has a very long history. The earliest secondary marriage can be traced back to the Zhou Dynasty. Based on the traditional concept of male superiority and female inferiority, this form of marriage is naturally subject to discrimination and is even explicitly suppressed, restricting some basic rights. But in a special period like the Yuan Dynasty ruled by the Mongols, a son-in-law had its special status.

Mr. Duoji elaborated on the Han people’s attitude toward ancestral marriage before the Yuan Dynasty in more detail:

Starting from the earliest mention of "bringing a son-in-law" in the "Gongyang Zhuan" in the Spring and Autumn Period, the form of a son-in-law has begun to appear in history. There are many records about a son-in-law in the past dynasties. This shows that the form of marriage outside the mainstream of son-in-law is not an accidental example. It should be of considerable scale, enough to attract the attention of public opinion and even the ruling class. Records of secondary marriages in historical books, except for special customs in certain periods, basically suppress and belittle this attitude, and even suppress and regulate it from the legal level.

What is shocking is that the Han people equated a son-in-law with a criminal.

During the Qin and Han Dynasties, the son-in-law was classified as a low-class person. In addition to having no economic status, he was also forcibly recruited and driven to the forefront to serve as cannon fodder during sieges and wars. In peacetime, he was also recruited with criminals, businessmen, etc. first, and permanently guarded the border. A son-in-law is "like a wart, a superfluous thing." Treating a son-in-law as a superfluous thing shows his low status. This situation of the Han people's son-in-law lasted until the Wei, Jin and Five Dynasties. By then the Han had lost absolute control.

However, although in later generations of the Tang Dynasty, the adopted son-in-law was no longer regarded as the same as a criminal and could be sent to the army at any time, the basic attitude towards the adopted son-in-law did not change much after that. The adopted son-in-law does not even have basic economic power, let alone political power. The behavior of a son-in-law leaving his biological parents to serve other people's parents is particularly unacceptable to the Confucian ethics that advocate filial piety. Therefore, in the past dynasties, the adopted sons-in-law could not serve as officials or participate in the imperial examination.

Dorje added:

This situation changed slightly during the Tang and Song Dynasties. During the Tang Dynasty, the son-in-law could obtain part of the property and even start his own business. For example, Li Bai, a great poet in the Tang Dynasty, was his son-in-law twice. By the Song Dynasty, marrying a bride became a fashion in some areas, and a son-in-law could obtain property inheritance rights according to the will. But generally speaking, the attitude towards a son-in-law from the people to the country's laws is that they are still regarded as despicable. However, there was no explicit legal regulation of this form of marriage before the Yuan Dynasty. It was not until the Yuan Dynasty that this marriage system was recognized by the government in laws.

Azhuo asked:

Why did the Yuan Dynasty change its attitude towards son-in-law?

Dorje replied:

The Yuan Dynasty was a special period in Chinese history. It was the first political power established by the nomadic Mongols. Therefore, the social life of the Yuan Dynasty was inevitably influenced by Mongolian customs, and the legal system of the Yuan Dynasty was also different from previous dynasties.

Mongolian marriages have various forms, and the marriage form of son-in-law is very common among Mongolian marriages. Genghis Khan once married into his wife as his son-in-law, so the Mongolian rulers also attached great importance to this form of marriage. When formulating laws, they regulated this form of marriage in detail. For the first time, the Yuan Dynasty recognized the social status of the adopted son-in-law, especially allowing the adopted son-in-law to enjoy the right to inherit property, and not prohibiting participation in the imperial examination. The adopted son-in-law had the right to hold official positions. This official recognition and change of the official attitude towards bride-in-law laid the foundation for the widespread popularity of bride-in-law during the Yuan Dynasty.

During the Yuan Dynasty, according to the customs of the Han people, wedding gifts were extravagant, and both rich and poor people required a large amount of property as betrothal gifts. This situation greatly damaged the production and life of the people at the bottom. The Yuan Dynasty government implemented legal regulations on this, but it could never be solved. Therefore, many Han men who cannot afford to marry can only choose to become various forms of son-in-law.

Based on the customs of its own nation, the Yuan Dynasty government did not discriminate against the marriage of a son-in-law. At the same time, it made detailed and clear legal provisions on the marriage of a son-in-law. Moreover, it can be seen from the historical materials handed down that the judicial personnel of the Yuan Dynasty also handled marriage disputes based on these laws.

The Yuan Dynasty made clear regulations on the basic procedures for the marriage of a son-in-law, such as the marriage certificate, betrothal, and matchmaking:

During the Yuan Dynasty, the marriage certificate became the legal document of marriage for the first time. The marriage by marriage requires both men and women to write down the form, time limit, amount of betrothal money, rights and obligations of the bride-in-law, etc., all of which must be clearly stated so that they can be used as evidence in case of disputes. Once a marriage contract is signed, it has legal effect and cannot be violated. The laws of the Yuan Dynasty made clear and detailed provisions on various violations of the marriage contract. Compared with a current contract, a marriage document protects the interests of both parties from a legal perspective. In fact, the form of secondary marriage was recognized and the social status of the secondary son-in-law was improved.

The betrothal of a son-in-law is different from that of a normal marriage. Generally, it is from the woman to the man. In some forms of secondary marriage, the man to the woman. The laws of the Yuan Dynasty made detailed provisions on the situation and quantity of betrothal wealth according to the different forms of auxiliary marriage. The amount of the betrothal gift must be written clearly in the marriage contract by both parties, so that it can be used as a basis for future litigation. In addition, the laws of the Yuan Dynasty have detailed provisions on whether to return the betrothal wealth under various circumstances when disputes arise. Such precedents can also be seen in historical materials handed down.

Matchmakers have always played an important role in traditional Chinese marriages. However, it was not until the judiciary of the Yuan Dynasty that the responsibilities of the matchmaker in the marriage relationship were clarified. On important marriage documents, the matchmaker, as the facilitator, must sign to show that he is responsible for the marriage. This system restricts the matchmaker from deceiving both men and women for profit reasons when promoting marriage, which will lead to problems in future marriages, maintains the stability of the marriage, and avoids disputes.

The Yuan Dynasty's legal regulations on secondary marriage actually protected the rights of both parties to the marriage and were also a measure to deal with numerous disputes over secondary marriage. For the first time in Chinese history, it clearly protects the rights and interests of the male party in a secondary marriage.

Duoji smiled and said to Agu Demba, A Zhuo and Chu Sanxing:

Therefore, on the one hand, the Yuan Dynasty government changed its attitude of discriminating against the bride-in-law and protected the economic and political rights of the bride-in-law through legal provisions. On the other hand, the folk custom of high betrothal gifts emerged. The combination of these two aspects formed the phenomenon of matrimonial marriage that was popular in the Yuan Dynasty.

Chu Sanxing asked:

The laws of the Yuan Dynasty regulated and protected the marriage of a son-in-law, but why is this form of marriage still common from ancient times to the present?

Dorje replied:

There are probably two fundamental reasons for this: one is economic reasons; the other is the impact of the concept of continuing the family line.

The main consideration for a man to become a son-in-law is finance. During the Yuan Dynasty, generous betrothal gifts were popular, and children from poor families could not afford them, so they had no choice but to become son-in-laws. During the Yuan Dynasty, some children of wealthy families also chose to become son-in-laws because the law gave them corresponding inheritance rights and for economic reasons. Or there may be too many men in the family to bear the betrothal gifts one by one, and some of them can only choose to become son-in-laws. Those countless orphans whose families were destroyed in the war were unable to find wives themselves, so they could only become son-in-laws. In addition, there is also the consideration of avoiding taxes and serving the country, all of which are based on economic considerations. In addition, there are some financial considerations in recruiting women. For example, there are no male children in the family to support the elderly, or the male children are too young to engage in production. Or the widow recruits a son-in-law to help with the production, etc. It's all due to economic considerations.

Son-in-law marriage is actually also influenced by the concept of continuing the family line. Ancient China valued the continuation of the clan, and it would be a very serious situation if there was no male heir in the family to inherit the incense. In this case, there are generally two options. One is to adopt a male heir from a relative of the same clan. The other is to recruit a son-in-law, let him change the woman's name, and the children will follow the mother's nature, thus inheriting the continuation of the family. This is one of the main reasons besides economic reasons.

Azhuo asked: I heard that there are several forms of adopting a son-in-law?

Dorje replied:

Yes. There are indeed many forms of son-in-law, mainly four:

To support a son-in-law in old age means to marry into the woman's family and take care of the family business for her, to provide for her parents-in-law until they die, and they can inherit the family business. There is no time limit for this form. Generally, one can only leave the woman's family after her death.

A time-limited surrogate son-in-law means that when signing a surrogate son-in-law's marriage contract, a time limit is agreed upon. After that time, the man can bring the woman back to the original family. In this case, the adopted son-in-law does not need to provide for his parents-in-law until they die, and cannot inherit his wife's family business.

The form of adopting a son-in-law is not very clear. Leaving the house means not living with the woman’s family. Some indicate in the marriage certificate how many years they will leave the home, and some simply leave the home and live elsewhere. The specific situation is similar to other forms.

The adoption of a son-in-law into the clan generally refers to the time specified in the marriage contract for the adoption of a son-in-law, after which he can return to the original clan. He is also the only person who has been recruited into the family and now returns to his clan.

There are also some individual circumstances that may lead to the occurrence of extramarriage, such as the daughter who really loves her daughter and is reluctant to marry outside the family; and local customs and habits, etc. In the final analysis, the main reason for the phenomenon of having a son-in-law is the right time. Either for economic reasons or for the continuation of the clan, it is basically a last resort. Of course, some individual cases of coveting property cannot be ruled out.

Duoji Zhizhu sang a humorous ballad "Inside the Door":

 

A man who has no money cuts the door upside down under his skirt,

The success of a son-in-law depends on his father-in-law.

In the Yuan Dynasty, the status of a son-in-law was improved.

Not bound by traditional etiquette.

 

Looking back at the successful married men of past generations,

There are too many sons-in-law to take advantage of the dragon.

Put down your manhood and become a son-in-law,

Special marriage is also the path to success.

 

Marriage is not all based on a piece of paper;

Nowadays, non-marriage and childbearing have become popular.

Is marriage love or affection?

What is the purpose of having children?

 

There are too many mistresses and mistresses to count;

The rich lady falls in love with the little fresh meat.

Marriage disputes are constantly happening nowadays.

It's all about money as matchmaker.

 

Looking back at the three thousand emperors and beauties,

There is no upper limit on the remarriage of contemporary powerful people.

The world has long become chaotic,

How many people will grow old together with white hair?