Guining came back to talk about bad habits

 

Guining came back to talk about bad habits

Guining, an etiquette passed down from ancient times, can also be called being a guest, returning to one's mother's home (in Hokkien usage), or returning to the home for three dynasties. It means that on the third day of marriage, the newlyweds bring gifts to the woman's home to visit relatives and visit the woman's family. At this time, a banquet must also be prepared (usually at noon, called the Guining Banquet or inviting the son-in-law). After the Guining is over, the matchmaker's work comes to an end, and the man must give gifts to the matchmaker to express his gratitude.

What is return door? Generally speaking, it refers to the third, sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth day after marriage, or the full moon when the son-in-law brings gifts and returns to his natal home with the bride to pay homage to his wife’s parents and relatives. The ceremony of becoming a son-in-law is now complete.

This custom originated in ancient times and is generally called "Guining", which means returning home to visit parents after marriage. However, later generations had different names in various places. In the Song Dynasty, it was called "Baimen", in the Qing Dynasty, it was called "Shuanghuimen" in the north, "Huiqin" in the south, "Huo Guye" in some areas of Hebei, and "Hui Lang" in Hangzhou. In modern times, it is usually the third day after marriage, also known as the "three dynasties return home". This is the last ceremony of the marriage. It means that the daughter will not forget the gift of upbringing from her parents, and the son-in-law will thank his parents-in-law and the newlyweds for their love and beauty. Generally, the bride's family will host a banquet, and the new son-in-law will be seated at the table, accompanied by the elders of the family. . The newlyweds may return on the same day or stay for a few days. If they stay, they may not stay in the same room.

However, in the Confucian culture that has influenced traditional Chinese culture for thousands of years, Confucius, the founder of Confucianism, said that "it is difficult to raise a woman with a villain." Confucius also gave his seven reasons for divorcing his wife. "Men are superior to women" is the core content of Confucius and Mencius. Confucius was praised as a "sage" by the ruling class, and his words became the "Edict of Confucius". The poor were denounced as poor ghosts and villains, and they were to be driven away and sent away. The words and deeds of women were to be prohibited and tabooed.

Therefore, during the Spring Festival, women have various taboos:

In the Henan area, women are not allowed to go back to their parents' homes on the fifteenth day of the first lunar month to look at the lanterns, they are also forbidden to offer sacrifices to stoves, and they are not allowed to go back to their parents' homes on the first day of the first lunar month. Because girls do not offer sacrifices to the stove, they are not asked to return to their parents’ home on the day of offering sacrifices to the stove. The first day of the first lunar month is the beginning of the year. When a married daughter throws water, she becomes a member of her husband's family when she marries. At the beginning of the new year, the whole family is reunited, so it is naturally inconvenient to go back to my parents' home. The fifteenth day of the first lunar month is also the first full moon day of the year. It is feared that the daughter-in-law will not be reunited with her family when she returns to her parents' home. Therefore, we usually go back to our parents’ home on the second day of the first lunar month and the sixteenth day of the first lunar month. In order to take care of the reunion and celebration of both parties to the marriage. There is a saying in Luyi County that "If you invite your daughter on the sixteenth day of the first lunar month and send her to you on the second day of the second lunar month, you will never get sick in your life."

In Zhejiang and other places, it was forbidden for the bride to return home during the Winter Solstice. Otherwise, it is thought that the parents of her husband's family will be killed. A common proverb goes: "You stay in your mother's house for the winter, and you go to your husband's house to live with your father-in-law." This custom also exists in Jiangsu. However, the reason is different, that is, if the winter solstice passes in the natal family, the natal family will decline accordingly.

In northern Shaanxi, there is a custom of returning to one's parents' home on the sixth day of June. Legend has it that this is to bond the relationship between the in-laws. At that time, the parents' family will invite their daughter and son-in-law to return home for a reunion. This custom also exists in Henan, but it is related to the season of wheat harvest and threshing. A popular saying goes: "After harvesting the wheat, it's time to finish the harvest. Whose daughter doesn't want to see her mother? If the daughter doesn't come to see her mother, her father-in-law will be killed, or her mother-in-law will be killed."

The taboo on the time when a woman returns home is to make the bride follow the order of coming and going. She must not return when she is not supposed to return, otherwise something bad will happen; she must return when it is time to return, otherwise, something bad will happen. . Generally, on the third day after the wedding, the bride and groom have to go back to visit their parents, but they must return to the husband's house before sunset that night, because the newlyweds cannot leave the new house empty.

In Linxian County, Henan Province, brides have to walk along the same road they used to meet their brides when they return home for three days. This is called "no two roads for three days." When the Yi bride returns home, she is not allowed to talk to her groom on the road. The two of them are like strangers passing by. This is related to the custom of not leaving behind the husband's family. When the Han people return home, the young couple always make love and talk and laugh. There is a popular folk tune of "returning to one's parents' home".

The gifts that newlyweds bring home are always in pairs, and odd numbers are avoided. The mother's family cannot accept all of it, and will have to take some of it back with her when she returns to her husband's family.

Some brides, influenced by superstitious ideas, cannot return home until one hundred and twenty days (four months) later, while others cannot return home until three years later.

In some places in Zhejiang, there are women who are ordered to "break their natal family". Such women are not allowed to get into the sedan chair at home. When they get married, the groom's family will take the girl out. The woman wears rags, pretends to beg for food, and changes into a sedan chair in the temple. , which is called "borrowed marriage", the parents and relatives of the girl's family must stay away, and everything is taken care of by the husband's family. One hundred and twenty days after marriage, you can return to peace. Otherwise, the natal family will surely be ruined or suffer misfortune. There are also the so-called "Li Ke" (couples separated) and "Hui Hui Lu" (suffering from heavenly fire), and they can only return home after four months or even three years.

Generally, one month after the wedding, the in-laws can travel freely among themselves. When returning home, the bride can stay in her natal home. The number of days you stay is very particular. In some areas of Henan, it is customary to go and stay for a few days. As the saying goes: "Eight to eight, two hairs", "Nine to nine, two heads." That is to say, those who return home on the eighth day of the lunar month can live in their parents' home for eight days, and those who return home on the ninth day of the lunar month can live in their parents' homes for nine days. In this way, the most time is to live in the opposite month. If it is lived in this way, it will be auspicious for both men and women, otherwise it will be bad. However, there is also a saying that it is forbidden to live in eight days. The so-called: "If you live in seven days but not in eight days, you will live in eight poor natal families." This taboo is generally formed out of the thought that it is not easy for a married girl to live in her natal family for too long. There are emotional restrictions, moral constraints, as well as economic pressure and production needs. Various factors have contributed to this bad habit.

If the groom and the bride return to their natal home together, then there are different taboos regarding their stay there. Among the Han and Manchu people, there is a custom that newlyweds should not have sex when they return to their natal family. The Manchus allowed my uncle to live in Xikang, but no other guests were allowed to live in Xikang. But a girl and her uncle cannot live together. It is said that newlyweds sleeping in the same room with their natal family will bring about the decline of their natal family. This is also caused by the idea that sexual behavior is unclean and blasphemous. Folks often believe that in matters between men and women, the woman always suffers. Due to this consideration, the girl's family always feels a little depressed psychologically. Besides, if your natal family and your husband’s family are not of the same bloodline, how can you provide a place for your husband’s family to carry on the family line in your natal family’s home? If she really got pregnant in her mother's family, wouldn't she have brought the "people power" and "financial power" of her mother's family to her husband's family? My natal family will definitely decline because of this. Therefore, it is absolutely forbidden for young couples to have sex in their parents' home. This is the ideological concept under this custom. However, even among the Han people, there are many places where it is not taboo for newlyweds to sleep in the same bed at their parents' home. Sometimes, these two completely different customs coexist in the same county. For example, in Lin County, Henan, these two customs coexist.

Before sunset, the woman must return to her husband's house (some say it is easier to give birth to a boy this way). If she has to stay at her parents' house for unavoidable reasons, the couple must sleep in separate rooms to avoid conflict with her parents' family.

After the bride returns home, her identity has changed and she is a member of another family, so her parents' family often "guards against her." When the married daughter of the Oroqen tribe returns to her natal family, it is forbidden to clean the pot. Otherwise, her family's wealth will be wiped away by her. There are similar taboos in Xiuwu County, Henan. It is taboo among local people for girls to touch or take the spoons and fire pillars from their natal family when they go out. It is said that "If you touch the spoon, your father-in-law will die, and your mother-in-law will die." "If you hold a fire pillar, your father-in-law will die, but your son-in-law will die." It is also taboo to take knives and scissors from your parents' family, and it is taboo to catch your parents' dogs, etc. He said: "I'm afraid I will cut off the relationship with my mother's family in the future and break the road." In short, we must do everything possible to prevent the married girl from using or taking away the things from her mother's family. If she takes the things from her mother's family after she gets married, and there will be a quarrel because of this. , dispute, it will definitely affect the relationship between the male and female families, but taking strict precautions is not a good way after all. How can we make her consciously not take it? So he used the spells of "dead father-in-law" and "dead son-in-law" to scare her and warn her.

When a bride returns home, she should avoid telling her parents-in-law's family about all the unpleasant things she encountered at her husband's house. She should also avoid going back to her husband's house and telling her husband's family everything about her mother-in-law's family, regardless of the importance. The result of "learning to talk" in this way often causes troubles, affects the relationship between the male and female families, and the bride will also get the reputation of a "garrulous woman". Therefore, there is a proverb in the folk saying: "If you are a daughter-in-law, you should hide it from both sides, but if you are not a daughter-in-law, you should tell both sides." According to Confucius's seven reasons for "divorcing a wife", such a wife is among those to be divorced.

The bad habit of women returning to peace during the Spring Festival has now been broken, but Confucius has still become a saint. His once holy words will not be criticized, and no one is criticizing him. This is historical progress and a historical joke. People can turn into gods, gods can turn into ghosts, and ghosts can turn into gods. In China, people, ghosts, and gods can all transform. This is China's national condition. If you don’t believe it, just look at those people who spared no effort to criticize Confucius and now admire Confucius. It will be clear that this is the tragedy of China!